tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post2978985826273040527..comments2023-11-05T04:11:45.663-05:00Comments on Why? What Have You Heard?: It's Back! Wordsmith's ChallengeMojohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498213932233245032noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-65905519096591620772008-09-26T23:42:00.000-04:002008-09-26T23:42:00.000-04:00The ludicrously sized paper cup did go out there l...The <I>ludicrously sized paper cup</I> did go out there like a beacon, an uh oh moment for me. <BR/><BR/>Some of the other commenters brought up the points that occured to me and you've answered those so I will say that I enjoyed the story, even the sucker punch. <BR/><BR/>I think if fewer descriptors were used up top some room could have been made for a bit of a tie up (as to the blonde's motivations). But given the context and the constraints, this works for me. <BR/><BR/>Nicely done.Middle Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12334580430376973159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-77626725484517229772008-09-23T16:17:00.000-04:002008-09-23T16:17:00.000-04:00Good. You set it up with her seeing something fam...Good. You set it up with her seeing something familiar about him, but the reader thinks it's the familiarity of homelessness, not of himself specifically. I agree with your choice not to explain what he did. The reader can figure it out.Donhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16090153485822745036noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-86245208641893807172008-09-17T15:56:00.000-04:002008-09-17T15:56:00.000-04:00not entirely sure how I missed this.I just went lo...not entirely sure how I missed this.I just went looking for it today. Weird.<BR/><BR/>Um, sucker punch is right. But I did suspect she was up to something. Call it my innate trust of blondes. And paper cups. <BR/>The bitch.<BR/><BR/>jc<BR/>:)Craverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13162735846773014967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-59999136879350534362008-09-17T08:19:00.000-04:002008-09-17T08:19:00.000-04:00wow, dude: what is it about this picture that so ...wow, dude: <BR/>what is it about this picture that so many of us thought about nefarious endings?<BR/>you don't screw around with the whole nefarious bit, do you?<BR/>:)<BR/>you have a nice way with dialog. it reminded me of when I read 'their eyes were watching God' with some students once, and couldn't do the dialog bit. <BR/>JC calls it 'southern fried'... I can just now (thanks to a stop at bojangles on the way to the beach) hear it when i read it. <BR/>dialog is tough, i think. <BR/>also, you do a nice bit of slick foreshadowing with the blonde's actions and they way her outer dialog doesn't match her inner dialog. <BR/>so, um, yeah. doooooode.Doctor Errhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09664834405084572188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-67889741858496127482008-09-16T20:21:00.000-04:002008-09-16T20:21:00.000-04:00wow, dude.wow, dude.Doctor Errhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09664834405084572188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-44690411961705747962008-09-08T21:14:00.000-04:002008-09-08T21:14:00.000-04:00First off, thanks for your visit and words.You hit...First off, thanks for your visit and words.<BR/>You hit hard and quick regardless of subject matter. You'll find I'm not much of a critic. You set it up and pulled the rug.davehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14285911459130664684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-64989766783732995312008-09-05T15:25:00.000-04:002008-09-05T15:25:00.000-04:00Norie: Turned to the right maybe, but cocked to th...Norie: <I>Turned</I> to the right maybe, but <I>cocked</I> to the left. As in tilted downward toward the left shoulder (rather than rotated to the right side on the "Y" axis). And yes, it was intentional. Cocking the head to the left indicates calculation (right indicates fabrication -- unless I have them backwards in which case it was still intentional, just wrong). In any case, the story doesn't have to begin in the instant the shutter opens.<BR/><BR/>One person has already suggested I have a Machiavellian bent because of the ending... and honestly, it disturbed even me that I could conceive of an ending like this one. But you gotta get outside the comfort zone sometimes... keeps you sharp.Mojohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03498213932233245032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-51302575986345733312008-09-05T14:50:00.000-04:002008-09-05T14:50:00.000-04:00You write well, very well. I just hate getting soc...You write well, very well. I just hate getting socked in the gut though. There's enough disturbing news out there, not to have this in our fiction. <BR/><BR/>She turns her head to the right in the photo, not the left as you write. Was that intentional on your part?<BR/><BR/>I know a ton of people like disturbing entertainment - look at the success of the latest Batman movie, so you should do well. It's not however for me.<BR/><BR/>I'll check out your photos, hopefully you have some that inspire hope.Anora McGahahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08018278824487908851noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-75932553548713891272008-09-04T08:12:00.000-04:002008-09-04T08:12:00.000-04:00This is something that would totally happen in Ind...This is something that would totally happen in India & all too often.It usually happens in trains, where the innocent victims are offered food spiked with drugs & are looted!Monahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08615034229525061880noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-9636734242698155452008-09-04T01:04:00.000-04:002008-09-04T01:04:00.000-04:00It's easier to understand how I got there if you c...It's easier to understand how I got there if you consider that the story is sort of a metaphor for itself. I set you up for the kill in the same way the girl set up her victim. The "karma" remark was -- both for her and for me -- an answer of expediency. He asked "Why?" and she tossed out an answer that wouldn't set off an alarm for him. Every single thing she did from the first line was calculated, cold, and ruthless. There really wasn't enough "time" to develop a back story on her, so the reader's left to fill in the blanks. She's certainly psychotic, but how she got that way is open to interpretation. <BR/><BR/>Besides, the ending was supposed to be a punch in the gut. And that's a lot more effective when you've been lulled into a false sense of security.<BR/><BR/>GHB is a fairly simple "date-rape drug". I'm not clear on exactly the effects it has, but it leaves the victim pretty much unable to resist. I don't think it's actually a paralytic, but it may as well be. It's not uncommon to find college chemistry majors who can whip it up without any trouble at all.<BR/><BR/>And one of the things I was trying to do here -- besides shock the hell out of my usual readers -- is to explode a stereotype. Anybody who suspected something nefarious was in the offing would probably have cast the girl in the role of victim. Would the guy be the aggressor? Not necessarily, but not very many would have suspected the girl of having evil intent. Just goes to show ya... Evil comes in all kinds of packages.Mojohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03498213932233245032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-63974965196180214112008-09-03T22:28:00.000-04:002008-09-03T22:28:00.000-04:00And another thing...I checked out your link to xkc...And another thing...<BR/><BR/>I checked out your link to xkcd.com based on your description of it to Tiff on her blog, basically because I believe I AM a little off-center.<BR/><BR/>I laughed my ass off at the Ghostbusters strip. I think I'm just off-center enough, and will be reading the site all night....Tony Gasbarrohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17150839210395446415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-30146657644445648892008-09-03T22:06:00.000-04:002008-09-03T22:06:00.000-04:00Yeah, that was quite a twist! I like the setup and...Yeah, that was quite a twist! I like the setup and the description of his sudden, increasing wooziness, though I have no idea what GBH, or whatever, is.<BR/><BR/>I like the innocent foreboding with "she sized him up" at the beginning.<BR/><BR/>"Karma" takes on the opposite understanding by the end, but I'm at a loss as to why or what she's striking out at. Obviously, someone harmed her in the past. Was it him? Was it an anonymous homeless person?<BR/><BR/>On one hand, I seek some clue as to who did what to her. But on the other, I'm comfortably disturbed (?!) by your apparently deliberate omission of any such facts. Is she vengeful, or just a wack job? We'll never know.<BR/><BR/>Nicely wrote ...writed ...wrut...<BR/><BR/>Nice job.Tony Gasbarrohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17150839210395446415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-32438160815746853632008-09-03T18:33:00.000-04:002008-09-03T18:33:00.000-04:00Whoa. Jerk! I loved that old man! *pout* Cool ...Whoa. Jerk! I loved that old man! *pout* Cool twist.<BR/><BR/>But if it's Karma, then what did he do to her? If you have any room left in your story, her last line should allude to some long-ago hurt. Tie it all together. Well done, though.<BR/><BR/>Mine is up, consistent with all my other sentimental drivel.<BR/><BR/>-<A HREF="http://www.smarmoofus.com" REL="nofollow">smarmoofus</A>smarmoofushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13332820200130078906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-2461652449474334622008-09-03T17:47:00.000-04:002008-09-03T17:47:00.000-04:00I appreciate you coming over to my blog. After rea...I appreciate you coming over to my blog. After reading you I felt kind of juvenile. Not that I feel too bad about that. I love to write, just not that great at it. I very much enjoyed the sucker punch you threw at everyone with the ending. Amazing. I am humbled.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13178737973585191754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717405548205026477.post-26130778712449044532008-09-03T12:59:00.000-04:002008-09-03T12:59:00.000-04:00Betcha didn't see that one coming didja?Betcha didn't see <I>that</I> one coming didja?Mojohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03498213932233245032noreply@blogger.com