And still the urges come. (Stop. You know what I mean.) And I'm starting to realize how many times a day I used to reach for the pack by reflex or just habit. First thing in the morning: light up. Coffee? Without a cigarette?? Take the dog out to pee: grab a smoke for the trip. Finished eating? Nicotine for dessert. How many times a day was this just "what was done" rather than a response to any kind of chemically induced dependency? Ten? Twenty? And I didn't recognize this when I was doing it. But now I catch myself at it, and wonder what I'm going to do to "fill in" those spaces.
So that's the latest from the Mojo Air Quality Board. Let's see what else is new.
Who's my Mystery Date?
This is a little spooky... I was checking out my SiteMeter stats, and came across this visit:
Domain Name: (Unknown)
IP Address: 98.26.54.# (Unknown Organization)
ISP: Unknown ISP
Location
Continent: Unknown
Country: Unknown
Lat/Long: unknown
Language: English (U.S.) en-us
Operating System: Microsoft WinXP
Browser: Firefox 2.0.0.14 Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv:1.8.1.14) Gecko/20080404 Firefox/2.0.0.14
Who is this hiding behind the subnet mask, I ask? FBI? CIA? DIA? NSA? BVD? STP? LSD? PCP? This is somebody who really doesn't want me to figure out who he/she/they is/are. Almost every other (unduplicated) visitor I've figured out now based on where they are, what site (or link) referred them, there's almost always some clue for someone of slightly above average technical proficiency. But my technical prowess isn't developed enough to decipher a handful of "Unkown's". And this visitor doesn't even leave a trail showing what continent he/she/they is/are on.
Maybe it was actually ET...
Isn't this taking exclusivity a little far? "Limited Edition" M&M's?? No, I am not kidding. I got some from the vending machine at work. Apparently there's a "new flavor" out that they're test marketing called "Wildly Cherry". And actually they don't suck in a chocolate-covered-cherry kind of way. At least the "cherry" component isn't sickeningly sweet.
So I opened the package very carefully with my handy key-ring-mounted Swiss Army knife to preserve it as intact as possible. That way once the "Limited Edition" is out of print I can sell the wrapper on eBay for hundreds or even thousands of dollars.
You scoff at my strategy? Consider this: A few weeks ago, Jay Leno reported that an empty Fritos bag fetched $565 on eBay. And this was not a Limited Edition. It wasn't even a special flavor, just ordinary Fritos corn chips. The only thing special about the bag is that the seller (some guy from L.A.) claimed he had held it through the entire game as the Lakers won... some playoff series or other. If I remember it right, he was even including a Certificate of Authenticity along with the bag.
And that last bit really made me wonder. (I know, like the rest of the story is so very normal right?) But seriously, never mind that he took the time to design the certificate. Anybody who has the stones to sell an empty Frito bag on eBay would do something like that. What I want to know is just who the hell he got to attest to the bag's authenticity? Who would be willing to testify to the provenance of an empty fucking snack food wrapper??? The snack bar cashier that sold it to him? The drunk ass fan sitting next to him? The F&B manager at Staples Center?
And how do we know this is the actual bag he clutched in his sweaty palm while the Lakers were battling... whoever they were battling? Does the bag say "Sold at Staples Center" on it somewhere? Did he get a receipt to prove that this wasn't just a bag that his mom put in his lunchbox one day? And even if one of those things is true, is the bag stamped with a date/time stamp so we know for certain that it was sold at the game in question? And even if that much is true, how do we know the guy actually held it in his hand for the duration? Couldn't he have simply picked it up from among the half a ton of garbage left behind by the arena patrons?
This is a whole new brand of absurdity people. But the most mystifying part of all is that he.actually.sold.it!! For $565! Some idiot bid five hundred sixty-five dollars for an empty snack food wrapper of at best questionable provenance. By contrast, My M&M's bag says "Limited Edition" right on the front of it. So now all I have to do is go find some historic event to witness, take the bag and perhaps an auditor from Lloyd's or Barclay's along with me and I should be able to clear a few grand easy!
So if you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?Stumble This!
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3 comments:
Snack food wrappers are meant fro one thing - to hold snack food. After that they're garbage.
5 DAYS! Wheeeeeee!!!
Congrats on your days! Way to go, f'real.
Smurfs turn purple. At least, that's what my experience with chickens has proven.
Sports nuts will buy anything... maybe? Perhaps you could stencil Jesus onto an M and REALLY cash in. I don't get either phenomenon, but I'd take the money if it were offered.
I still get weekly sitemeter updates on an old blog. I haven't posted there in about a year, but I'm still getting 6-10 hits a day. Weird. I think it's mostly image searches that bring people there.
Thanks to bofayah!
@TIff: Right on sista. I've heard the saying "One man's trash..." all my life, but I never thought it was to be taken literally.
@DB: Purple. That's what I thought, but I had no empirical data to support the thesis. And I'm convinced that no matter what kind of crap you try to sell, somebody will buy it.
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