Boobs

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This might get me in a shitload of trouble with some of my women readers because some of them may think that, as a man, I've got no business talking about it. But the fact is that, as a man, I get lumped in with the rest of the men who supposedly started this beer truck careening down the hill. So getting it stopped safely is partly my responsibility. And I've done my due diligence. I asked the opinions of a couple of women whose opinions I have a very high regard for -- and that I thought would give me honest feedback -- before deciding to publish this post. So here we are.

I want to talk for a moment about a subject near and dear to a lot of hearts.

Breasts.

Yes, breasts. Or, if you prefer, boobs, tit(tie)s, cans, fun pillows, knockers, hooters... a rose(bud) by any other name... you know, blah blah blah.

Over at 15 Minute Lunch, JV's got a new feature called Sundays With Sylvia that is funny as hell and at the same time just a little creepy. This past Sunday's installment featured a breast-reduction technique designed by Sylvia herself that... well, you'll just have to read it to believe it.

But it wasn't the post that prompted this brief tirade, it was the comments later. Most of the respondents were amused and/or amazed at ol' Sylvia's ideas, a few offered to try it out, most scoffed, but I caught an undercurrent from the collective of "why would you want to make them smaller??" And this was from the women in the group.

Now I recognize that there are health concerns for women with extraordinarily large busts. But absent such a condition, why change them at all?

Maybe there's truth in the idea that "in general, men think bigger is always better". But don't forget the in general part of that sweeping generalization please.

Because this guy doesn't care.

That's right, you heard me. I don't care how big your boobs are. If I can respect the woman who's attached to them, I love her breasts because they're hers -- and not because they conform to some arbitrary standard. And if I can't respect the woman attached to them, a spectacular rack isn't gonna change that.

I'm not sure who started the myth that anything smaller than a B-cup is substandard. Maybe it was Hollywood or Madison Ave or Playboy, but no matter who started it, it pisses me off. It pisses me off because it puts words in my mouth. I've dated women in the A and nearly-B league, and even one who had lost both breasts to cancer. And not one time did it ever occur to me to think of any of these women as "substandard" in any way.

So to the women who may read this -- especially to those who have had to live with the jokes and the smartass comments because your breasts were "too small" or "too big" -- don't buy into the myth. I'm willing to go on record in opposition, and I'm betting that a lot of other guys out there are too. You wanna help me out here guys? (Speak up!)

They're beautiful because they're yours. Whatever their size.

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