Bah, Humbug.

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People wonder why I can't seem to get excited about the holidays anymore.

I've been called "Scrooge". "Grinch". And probably much worse. I spend most of Q4 every year trying to keep my head down and get through the end of the year. Co-workers brave enough to deposit greeting cards and holiday treats at my desk know enough to do it when I'm not looking. Festive holiday Muzak is like nails on the chalkboard to me. On the occasions when I am forced to venture into a store, the garish ocular assault that confronts me is about as appealing as a stun grenade. And every time another puke-voiced television announcer regurgitates the line "Makes a great gift!" I understand why Elvis shot his TV.

I detest shopping malls any time of year, but between mid-November and mid-January I think I'd prefer dysentery.

And "getting malled" has begun taking on a very literal meaning now. Why anyone would think I'd voluntarily participate in something called "Black Friday" is a mystery to me. If it sounds more like the name of a terrorist plot than a day of "sport shopping", there's a reason. Unless you've been ignoring the news recently, you've heard about the recent terror attacks in Mumbai, India. Well as bad as this latest violence is, the 1993 serial bombings in Mumbai claimed more lives and resulted in more widespread destruction. The 2007 Hindi film chronicling the March 12, 1993 bombings was called -- you guessed it -- Black Friday.

But if I needed a(nother) reason (I didn't) to take a pass on the mayhem that is the Morning After Thanksgiving, shoppers in Long Island have just handed me all the justification I need. In what has to be the most callous example of cold-blooded consumerism ever, the crowd at a Wal-Mart in Long Island trampled a store employee to death and injured several other staffers and shoppers in a stampede to get to the 50" plasma HDTV's and Bissel Compact Upright Vacuum Cleaners. These people give a whole new -- and chillingly literal -- meaning to the phrase "killer prices". I hope it was worth it.

Worse yet, when store management and police attempted to close the store to investigate and recover the wounded, the shoppers refused to vacate the premises because they'd "been in line since yesterday morning!". To that all I have to say is, "And whose fucking fault is that?". There's a part of me that would love to see the NYPD (or whatever law enforcement agency serves Nassau County) track down each and every one of those people and charge them with at least obstructing a police investigation and even felonious assault -- or accessory to manslaughter. It won't happen, because only the people who paid with a credit/debit card could actually be traced, and frankly I doubt the Nassau County jail has that much space in it anyway. But a part of me would still love to see it happen.

What's more likely is that Wal-Mart will make a settlement with the family of the man that was killed, and with those who were injured and nothing will change. The mob scene will continue, and after today or tomorrow the name Jdimytai Damour -- who lost his life under the hooves of this mob -- will slip quietly into history, remembered only by those who knew him well.

What passes for Christmas in this country today doesn't even deserve to be capitalized.

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