55 flash fiction friday #87: i'm not home right now

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But leave a message and I'll get back to you.
See, I'd love nothing better than to be here to post this story for ya'll. Well, almost nothing anyway. Maybe winning the Lotto... or vacationing on a private island... or doing what I'm doing while you're reading this. Oh stop. It's not what you think. Although it is with whom you think. Pat Benatar: Live!

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55 flash fiction friday #86: my son's new apartment

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...on the third floor
"I really appreciate you two helping out. Sorry I got stuck with a 3rd floor apartment."

"Oh, it's okay... everything we do together is fun. Even moving furniture up three flights of stairs."

"You two are just too cute. I want to vomit."

"Yeah, ain't it great?"

"No, you don't understand. I want to vomit."

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Note: An actual conversation. My son the college boy did, in fact, move into a 3rd floor apartment on the hottest day he could have picked. And my absolutely awesome girlfriend did, in fact, make it fun. And he did actually say this... verbatim. Well the vomit part is verbatim anyway. But. This is not his apartment. No, his stairway wasn't this wide. Or air conditioned.

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55 flash fiction friday #85: listening to your inner self

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...two days later...
"Is it okay for you to do that? I mean with the surgery and all?"

"Your body will tell you when you're overdoing it."

"Yeah I know that, but will you listen when it does?"

"Well of course! I am a guy after all, and as such I'm well-accustomed to taking orders from my crotch."

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Note: No, that's not me dressed as a 70's porn star. Actually it's not me at all. That is the inimitable Farrago, taken at Tiff-o-we'en 2008 (an annual event hosted by the ever-gracious Tiff of No Accent Yet fame). If you like the shirt, you should've seen the shoes. (And for you PETA types, the goldfish weren't real.)
The story, however, is true. *wink*

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55 flash fiction friday #84: and one time...

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...at band camp...
"So ya got called to the principal's office huh?"

"Yeah, he gave me that creepy pod-people smile and said he didn't like what I said at the last meeting. Apparently 'suck' is an unprofessional verb. Well, it is in my profession anyway."

"You're incorrigible!"

"Yeah, it's great ain't it?"

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

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55 flash fiction friday #81: acid test

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fit tab A into slot B
When you think of true relationship tests, three words come to mind: "Some Assembly Required". Nothing will tell you if you're compatible quicker than a box of parts, some badly written instructions, and a few simple tools. So when the grill was completed in 15 minutes without a harsh word, he knew. Without a doubt.

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 This image and others available for sale at my RedBubble Site!

Note: Another true story. ;-)

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55 flash fiction friday #80: wait. what?

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dawning realization
Pop's was exactly the kind of place he loved. Nothing pretentious or fancy about it, just a good chili dog and the best homemade ice cream since... he'd made it at home. Halfway through his first dog he looked at her and realized he'd forgotten the camera. Not "decided to leave it behind", "forgotten it".

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Note: True story. And significant because normally I wouldn't go anywhere at the beach (or much of anywhere else) without my camera. And if I did, it would be because I'd made a conscious decision not to bring it. This time I simply forgot it. (Distracted much ya think?) I did, however, get this shot of Pop's (which in fact does have some of the best chili dogs I've ever had) a couple of nights before.

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55 flash fiction friday #79: tis the season

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beach forecast
Today: Showers and a few thunderstorms likely.
Tonight: Scattered showers and thunderstorms.
Tomorrow: Variable clouds with scattered showers and thunderstorms.
Tomorrow night: Scattered showers and thunderstorms.
Saturday: Slight chance of a thunderstorm.
Sunday: Mix of sun and clouds. Highs upper 80s, lows mid 70s.
Ha. Figures. But any weather is good weather at the beach!

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 This image and others available for sale at my RedBubble Site!

Note: The photo's not from the same beach I'm heading to this time, but it certainly fits the forecast, doesn't it?

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55 flash fiction friday #78: all that jazz

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sing it, ella
They say living well is the best revenge.
(Now you say you're lonely)
I have to agree.
(You cried the long night through)
Cause life? Is damned good these days.
(Well you can cry me a river, cry me a river)
And I feel too good
(I cried a river over you)
To feel bad.

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Note: I suppose there's a little non-fiction in this one. The last three non-lyric lines are certainly true enough. But mainly this is just a vibe from the photograph.

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55 flash fiction friday #77: and now for something completely different

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what was, was
Even out here he could hear her voice. It wasn't the stray-cat-meets-rusty-screen-door quality of it that made him cringe. It was all the memories of the Litany of Not Enough. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, just not enough. Not ever. Not even now, as she lay in state at her own wake.

"Goodbye mom."

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Note: Completely fictional. Any similarities to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

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55 flash fiction friday #74 - now ya tell me

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advice from a friend
Never fall for a writer.

Not a good one anyway.

You can never know her. You'll wander through the funhouse wondering how much is real and how much is reflection or illusion. Wondering where the author ends and the character begins.


Then she'll complain that you don't understand.

And you know what? She'll be right.

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I've Seen That Movie Too
Elton John, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (Rocket Group Pty LTD - 1973)

Alternate Endings
Got an idea how this story ends? Or begins? Check out the "Alternate Endings Party Game"
Last week's offerings can be found here.
To see everybody's contributions on everything, visit here.

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55 flash fiction friday #73: conversation for one - iv

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vespers
Every night his dog sniffed the same fence-line, while he stared into the same sky, asking the same questions.
"Have you seen her? Is she okay?"

Every night, the same silence.
"Yeah. Thought so. Just take care of her, okay?"

One night, after months, his phone hummed to him.
"Hello?"
"Sorry, wrong number."
Click.

"Sad."

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Alternate Endings
If you've been hanging around for the last few weeks, you've heard about the "Alternate Endings Party Game" I started a while back. Originally it was just a single 55 that I thought could be spun a bunch of different ways and I invited people to fill in the blanks. Then someone carpe-ed some diem and wrote one for a different story, so the game expanded. You can find all of the original stories and the alternate endings at the link above. If you feel the muse, have a go at any of the ones already listed there or any others you might feel like. As people add to them, I'll expand that section to include any that people pick up. No rules, just write (to paraphrase the Outback Steakhouse commercials).

Titanium wasted no time in putting together something for this week's story (Seriously, the link wasn't even up yet folks! That girl is quiiiick.)
Last week's offerings can be found here. To see everybody's contributions on everything, visit here.

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55 (x2) flash fiction friday #72: conversation for one - ii/iii

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listen
Be with me.
But not with me.
Not where we breathe the same air.
Not where you can touch me.

Listen to me.
When I say nothing.
Or speak in riddles.
I know you understand.

Talk to me.
But don't say too much.
Don't say anything too meaningful.

And never ever say, "I love you".

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unperson
I was real once.
Once.
I had eyes, ears, arms...

And a heart.

I wasn't an RSS feed to turn off when I ceased to be amusing.

Real people, they're messy. They eat, sweat, shit, bleed...

And feel.

You liked the real person. Once. Or so it seemed.

Or maybe not. I don't know anymore.

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Alternate Endings
If you've been hanging around for the last few weeks, you've heard about the "Alternate Endings Party Game" I started a while back. Originally it was just a single 55 that I thought could be spun a bunch of different ways and I invited people to fill in the blanks. Then someone carpe-ed some diem and wrote one for a different story, so the game expanded. You can find both of the original stories and the alternate endings at the link above. If you feel the muse, have a go at either of the ones already listed there or any others you might feel like. As people add to them, I'll expand that section to include any that people pick up. No rules, just write (to paraphrase the Outback Steakhouse commercials).

Titanium has already jumped on the first of these two with an amusing look ta unconditional love.

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55 flash fiction friday #71: conversation for one - i

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"The ones we love hurt us worst. Only they get close enough to do real damage. I know this -- it's why I don't fall in love.

Until I do.

Then it turns to shit. And I fix that hole in the wall because dammit, nobody's getting in again.

Until they do.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat."

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For those of you who were around last week, a few people decided to play along with my Alternate Endings Party Game. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, the setup is here, and there's really no time limit. If you feel the muse strike, have a go at it and I'll post the link on the page where lives the setup. The offerings so far are choice and varied. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have.
The Rest Of The Story According To:
Titanium (Taking no prisoners!)
Sandy Carlson (A series of unfortunate events.)
PattiKen (The Stuff of Nightmares!)

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55 flash fiction friday #70: the 5:15

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Where's the 55 you ask? Patience grasshoppers, all will be revealed in the proper time.

This week I'm kicking off an experimental project that I hope you all will participate in. You are, of course, welcome to just read the 55 itself and leave it at that. (You'll have to leave comments on it here though -- the link opens in a new window/tab -- because it's on a static page which... doesn't support commenting. Whatever.) So read, play, or don't. But whichever you do, don't forget to visit G-Man, The Host With the Most (From Coast to Coast).

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55 flash fiction friday #69: faithless friend

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He heard the noises upstairs. The voice, her voice, calling out the name of his best friend. Dreading but knowing what he would discover, he climbed the stairs to the bedroom.


"How could you?", he cried to her his voice thick with anguish.


"And you!", he said to his friend, "Bad dog! Bad, bad dog!"

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55 flash fiction friday #68: the whole truth

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"People will tell you what they want you to know."

"True. But it’s not always the whole truth. They’ll tell you as much as they can."

"Meaning?"

"Some things... you can’t say."

"Because?"

"Maybe you’re afraid of the reaction. Or afraid it’ll hurt someone."

"Like what?"

"I can’t say."

"Because?"

"I’m afraid of both things."

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55 flash fiction friday #67: wait. what?

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"I think there's a book in that. Your book."

He stared at the blinking cursor waiting patiently for his reply. Of all the surprising things she'd ever said, he wouldn't in a lifetime have ever seen that one coming. But then, she was like that. Surprising, and delightfully unpredictable.

"A book?" he finally tapped back.

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55 Flash Fiction Friday #66: My Song

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"I look back for a moment and I catch a smile that blows this whole fuckin' place apart."*

Yeah.

It's like that.

I look down to the right of my screen... and I'm lifted up. Do you suppose Bruce wrote that song just for me?

Probably not, huh? No matter. It works anyway.

It works.

*Queen of the Supermarket - Bruce Springsteen

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55 Flash Fiction Friday #65: PS: I Love You

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"I love you."

"But…"

"No. That's the wrong conjunction. 'But' can never follow 'I love you'. It can precede it, but never follow it. Not if the love is real. The unconditional sort of love."

"So what conjunction does follow a real 'I love you' then?"

"'And' works."

"But not 'but'?"

"No. There are rules."

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55 Flash Fiction Friday #64: Waiting

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Damn daffodils. They've been taunting me for weeks. Daffodils are her favorite you see. And you can't get them from the florist. I've tried. You can find everything else, but not these stubborn little yellow buggers. Maybe they don't hold up well after they're cut. So I'm stuck waiting for these guys.

Grow, damn you.

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