Remembering Clyde: August 1, 2002 - October 13, 2017

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Orange County, NC, USA - Mar 19, 2011

The year 2017 is not going to be remembered fondly in our house. It's been kind of a rough one for us, and an even rougher one for our four-legged companions. In April, we lost Tonka, who'd been my faithful sidekick for all of his 14 1/2 years.

Today we lost Miss Clyde, who had been Wendy's baby for even longer than that.

She'd been diagnosed with a very aggressive type of malignant tumor in her mouth a month or so ago, that made eating difficult, and possibly even painful for her. We knew she didn't have a lot of time left, and the best we were going to be able to do for her was keep her as comfortable as possible for the time she had remaining. We weren't really prepared for how rapidly things would deteriorate, though. I suppose nobody ever is. She hated the pain medication we were given for her, and would disappear any time she knew it was coming. She'd always given me kind of a wide berth, but when she started hiding from Wendy we started to realize that we were probably in the end stage. Then a few days ago, she started refusing nearly all food. At which point we knew that it was time; she was ready to be done and if we didn't end it for her, she was going to do it herself.

So this morning, we took her for her last ride. Her passing was quiet, a transition so peaceful that it was almost impossible to detect. We brought her home and laid her to rest in the wooded part of the back yard that she loved, a small volunteer arbor vitae marking her final resting place.

And if she could, she'd ask that if you wish to remember her, to make a memorial contribution to her favorite rescue, Goathouse Refuge in Pittsboro. She didn't come from there, but she heartily approved of the work they do there, "providing cage-free care for cats regardless of age, medical issues or disposition until a permanent loving adoptive home can be found."

Travel well, Clyde. You will never be forgotten, and you are always loved.

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For an Absent Friend

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Tonka - November 12, 2002 - April 21 2017
Wendell, NC, USA - April 15, 2017

If you were around back in the days when posting to this blog was more than an annual event, you'll remember Tonka.

He was rather more famous for his cartoon alter ego than anything else, but he was a very real friend to many. To me he was an integral part of my life and my world. And on Friday, April 21, 2017 that part of me was torn away, leaving a void that will never be fully filled.

I always knew the day would come when I would have to let him go; such is the nature of life with a dog. That's just how the cruel sense of irony the universe has works. He'd had some health issues late in his life, but had always bounced back, even the times when I was sure he wouldn't. But this time, they told me that even surgery would be more risk than reward -- even if it succeeded. And even that assumed that there were no further issues that weren't detectable by visual examination.

Faced with that prognosis, there was really only one alternative. He was not going to get better. He would only get worse, and spend what little time I could buy him suffering from an assortment of problems, any one of which could send him over the brink with little or no warning.

So I made the call I always knew, but somehow never believed, I would have to make. He left this realm peacefully, surrounded by people who loved him and cared about him. And the last thing he heard before he breathed his last was my voice telling him I loved him.

When you bring a dog into your life, a bargain is struck. Tonka never failed to deliver on his part of that bargain; and Friday last, it was my turn to deliver on mine. I was there when he took his first breath in this life, I owed it to him to be there for his last, and to make sure that his passing was as gentle and painless as possible. Knowing this, and knowing it was the only humane choice, does nothing to dull the pain of loss. It does not stop me from second guessing whether I waited too long or not long enough. But I always figured he would tell me when it was time to let go, and everything in the week leading up to his last ride was telling me he was ready to be done.

One day, I hope, the countless number of great memories of our time together will crowd out the singular horrible memory of those last moments. Because I would do it all over again, even knowing how the story ends. I wouldn't ever trade the time I had with him for a chance to avoid the pain of losing him. And it's not even close. I have never had a better friend.

Travel well, Tonka, and I'll see you on the other side. I love you pal.

Update 5/18/17: Tonka's "Auntie Daryl" posted about him here. She used to send him special cookies on his birthday that he really loved. Thanks D. Much love!

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Dona Eis Requiem*

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Some of you know my good friend Ti, author of Element 22. If you do, then you might also know that she's currently jetting all the way across the continent to be with her husband Jeff as his father is laid to rest. At times like this, I never know the right words. Because it's different every time, for everyone. So I'm abundantly glad that a couple of years ago, another dear, dear friend passed these words along to me. I've been saving them for a time that seemed right. That time is now.

"The only way around these things is through them. So if you bury your dead, bring a shovel, if you burn them warm to the fire. Look into whatever riddance you consign them to. Lend a hand, stand and weep or watch and wonder. But stay until it's done. Keep the names of your dead alive among your people. You get one father, one mother, one true love, one life and maybe a couple of good dogs. There is no easy way to do this. So do it right: weep, laugh, watch , pray, love, live, give thanks and praise; comfort, mend, honor and remember."

For Ti, Jeff, Des and their family. And for Ken. Semper Fi, Marine.
* With apologies to Latin scholars everywhere

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Thematic Photographic 82: "2009 - The Year that Was" v.6.0 - Grief and Loss, Domestic Violence Awareness Month and City Plaza

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"Wesley Long"
Greensboro, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

 Hosted by Written Inc.

"Speaking Without Tongues"
Durham, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

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"City Plaza"
Raleigh, NC - December 2009 (Click to embiggen)

 Hosted by Written Inc.

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The final quarter and change of 2009 was a tough time for a lot of people. Thematic Photographic's progenitor Carmi lost his father suddenly in September, a blow that staggered him and his family. Around that same time the Mimi, Queen of Memes and Peace Globes was struggling with watching her own father battle the illness that gripped him to the last. I couldn't make a trip to Ontario to visit with the Levy family, much as I would have liked to. But Mimi is (more or less) local, and I spent an afternoon with her at Wesley Long Hospital where I got this shot of an empty waiting room. Loss is an unfortunate part of life as we know it, but as a very wise blogger Akelamalu once wrote, "one's life, no matter how brief, is never wasted if we remember". And so it's in remembrance not only of these two, but of all the others we lost during 2009 that I present this photo.

October also brought another kind of remembrance with it, a remembrance of those who struggle with - and sometimes perish in - the grip of domestic violence. If you were reading this blog at pretty much any time during the month of October, you know (if you didn't know before) that October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. You're also doubtless aware of the blog project I've gotten involved in with Maggie Dammit known as Violence UnSilenced. But during October, I was privileged to witness and record a couple of events above and beyond that work. The first was a silent march in downtown Raleigh in memory of Jammie Street, a murdered mother of three who was allegedly shot to death by her estranged boyfriend. As powerful as that event was, however, it had nothing on the play "Speaking Without Tongues" a play by and for survivors produced by the Durham-based Hidden Voices. I was able to document both of these events for you here, and it's fitting to revisit them as part of a "Year in Review" series, because they certainly both impacted me deeply.

But not all of the latter days of 2009 were so grim. the Powers That Be of my fair city seem to think that we need strive to be on par with other major urban centers -- specifically New York City. and it's not that I object to urban renewal as a concept, or even that I object to the city's efforts to clean up the city core. I think these are laudable efforts on a lot of levels, most notably in containing urban sprawl. But in the process of "going vertical" I think perhaps the mayor and the city council are taking their eyes off the ball sometimes. Mr. Mayor, distinguished council members, honored guests: I submit to you that there is and ever shall be but one New York City, and it is neither necessary nor advisable to try to create another one here in our hometown. Growth, when it is properly managed, is good. But let's grow the things that make Raleigh what it is, not try to mutate it into something it isn't. Okay, soapbox mode is now off. I've shown you the area of Fayetteville Street where the "old" Civic Center used to be (if anything built 30 years ago can be called "old") and I've recently learned a couple of additional things about it. First, it has a real official name: "City Plaza". I"m going to go out on a limb and speculate that this is an extension of the naming convention that gave us "City Market". And in a recent My World Tuesday I touched on one of the elements of "Winterfest" -- the outdoor skating rink you don't see in this photo. That rink opened on the first night of Winterfest 2009 (December 4) in an "opening ceremony" that culminated with the lighting of this rather substantial Christmas tree. I forget now exactly how tall it is, but I do remember hearing that it held 10,000 lights -- over a mile's worth. I just hope they're the energy efficient LED variety, because I don't even like to think about the amount of electricity required to keep that outdoor rink frozen in this climate.

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