Remembering Clyde: August 1, 2002 - October 13, 2017

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Orange County, NC, USA - Mar 19, 2011

The year 2017 is not going to be remembered fondly in our house. It's been kind of a rough one for us, and an even rougher one for our four-legged companions. In April, we lost Tonka, who'd been my faithful sidekick for all of his 14 1/2 years.

Today we lost Miss Clyde, who had been Wendy's baby for even longer than that.

She'd been diagnosed with a very aggressive type of malignant tumor in her mouth a month or so ago, that made eating difficult, and possibly even painful for her. We knew she didn't have a lot of time left, and the best we were going to be able to do for her was keep her as comfortable as possible for the time she had remaining. We weren't really prepared for how rapidly things would deteriorate, though. I suppose nobody ever is. She hated the pain medication we were given for her, and would disappear any time she knew it was coming. She'd always given me kind of a wide berth, but when she started hiding from Wendy we started to realize that we were probably in the end stage. Then a few days ago, she started refusing nearly all food. At which point we knew that it was time; she was ready to be done and if we didn't end it for her, she was going to do it herself.

So this morning, we took her for her last ride. Her passing was quiet, a transition so peaceful that it was almost impossible to detect. We brought her home and laid her to rest in the wooded part of the back yard that she loved, a small volunteer arbor vitae marking her final resting place.

And if she could, she'd ask that if you wish to remember her, to make a memorial contribution to her favorite rescue, Goathouse Refuge in Pittsboro. She didn't come from there, but she heartily approved of the work they do there, "providing cage-free care for cats regardless of age, medical issues or disposition until a permanent loving adoptive home can be found."

Travel well, Clyde. You will never be forgotten, and you are always loved.

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For an Absent Friend

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Tonka - November 12, 2002 - April 21 2017
Wendell, NC, USA - April 15, 2017

If you were around back in the days when posting to this blog was more than an annual event, you'll remember Tonka.

He was rather more famous for his cartoon alter ego than anything else, but he was a very real friend to many. To me he was an integral part of my life and my world. And on Friday, April 21, 2017 that part of me was torn away, leaving a void that will never be fully filled.

I always knew the day would come when I would have to let him go; such is the nature of life with a dog. That's just how the cruel sense of irony the universe has works. He'd had some health issues late in his life, but had always bounced back, even the times when I was sure he wouldn't. But this time, they told me that even surgery would be more risk than reward -- even if it succeeded. And even that assumed that there were no further issues that weren't detectable by visual examination.

Faced with that prognosis, there was really only one alternative. He was not going to get better. He would only get worse, and spend what little time I could buy him suffering from an assortment of problems, any one of which could send him over the brink with little or no warning.

So I made the call I always knew, but somehow never believed, I would have to make. He left this realm peacefully, surrounded by people who loved him and cared about him. And the last thing he heard before he breathed his last was my voice telling him I loved him.

When you bring a dog into your life, a bargain is struck. Tonka never failed to deliver on his part of that bargain; and Friday last, it was my turn to deliver on mine. I was there when he took his first breath in this life, I owed it to him to be there for his last, and to make sure that his passing was as gentle and painless as possible. Knowing this, and knowing it was the only humane choice, does nothing to dull the pain of loss. It does not stop me from second guessing whether I waited too long or not long enough. But I always figured he would tell me when it was time to let go, and everything in the week leading up to his last ride was telling me he was ready to be done.

One day, I hope, the countless number of great memories of our time together will crowd out the singular horrible memory of those last moments. Because I would do it all over again, even knowing how the story ends. I wouldn't ever trade the time I had with him for a chance to avoid the pain of losing him. And it's not even close. I have never had a better friend.

Travel well, Tonka, and I'll see you on the other side. I love you pal.

Update 5/18/17: Tonka's "Auntie Daryl" posted about him here. She used to send him special cookies on his birthday that he really loved. Thanks D. Much love!

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to absent friends

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It's hard to believe it's been two whole years. But here we are, Christmas Eve which hasn't been the same since 2008 when we lost a dear friend, Suzanne "Liquid Illuzion" Horne. There really isn't much to say that hasn't been said already, but that's not the point. The point is to remember. And that's what we do, every Christmas Eve. We remember the woman that left us too soon, remember the family and friends she left behind. We remember her with those who knew her, and for those who were not that fortunate.

For those who knew her, and for those who wish they had, Suzanne's Guestbook is online at Legacy.com.

Rest well Liquid. We miss you. We always will.

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Dona Eis Requiem*

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Some of you know my good friend Ti, author of Element 22. If you do, then you might also know that she's currently jetting all the way across the continent to be with her husband Jeff as his father is laid to rest. At times like this, I never know the right words. Because it's different every time, for everyone. So I'm abundantly glad that a couple of years ago, another dear, dear friend passed these words along to me. I've been saving them for a time that seemed right. That time is now.

"The only way around these things is through them. So if you bury your dead, bring a shovel, if you burn them warm to the fire. Look into whatever riddance you consign them to. Lend a hand, stand and weep or watch and wonder. But stay until it's done. Keep the names of your dead alive among your people. You get one father, one mother, one true love, one life and maybe a couple of good dogs. There is no easy way to do this. So do it right: weep, laugh, watch , pray, love, live, give thanks and praise; comfort, mend, honor and remember."

For Ti, Jeff, Des and their family. And for Ken. Semper Fi, Marine.
* With apologies to Latin scholars everywhere

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my world tuesday #90: saxapahaw general store

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And a very Happy Birthday to The Cat Whisperer, Ray "Toonman" Edelstein. Thanks for all the laughs over the past year, and keep 'em coming!

More at my RedBubble.com site

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For Chris (Enchanted Oak)

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It's always amazed me how close we can get to people in this blogly community that we've never even met in the three-dimensional world. If the boundaires in the so-called real world could be as easily erased as those in this space, world peace would be in our grasp. I have friends all over the world because of this forum. Some of these people I know better than I do my next door neighbors. I have laughed, cried, celebrated and mourned with them. I've shared their triumphs and their tragedies, supported and been supported, and done all those hundred thousand stupid little things that make friendships. And yet, there are those who would have us believe that because we have not breathed air from the same room our friendship isn't "real".

But today I happened by Totalfeckingeejit's blog and saw this post, which led me to this one by Chris at Enchanted Oak. And it came to me just how very real these relationships actually are.

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wherein i narrowly save my birthday party throwing reputation

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Yeah. Um. Lately? Been a little busy here at Casa Mojo. Dad's been running around like the proverbial headless chicken between work and kids and grandkids and parent and girlfriend and... So as he's heading out the door this morning he says to me, "Do something for Margaret's birthday will ya?" Right Dad. Maybe you missed the fact that I don't have thumbs? But it's okay. I'm a professional, I'll get through it. But he left me nothing to work with. Thanks a lot Dad. But I found this amusing video of tree-climbing goats in Morocco (no, I'm not kidding) that seemed appropriate for the occasion. (Of course these goats prefer the commando approach rather than panties, but if you lived in Morocco, wouldn't you?) Enjoy!

And Margaret? Happy Birthday dahling. You're beautiful babe, don't ever change. And let's do lunch. Soon! Have your people call my people...

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happy birthday robin!

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and many more...
Oh get serious, evrybody who's anybody knows Robin's blog Around the Island. And most of you probably know about her Etsy store by the same name (so go buy something won't you?) But did you know that today, July 7th, marks the start finish line for her laps around the sun? Yeah, thta's what I thought. 'Cause if you'd known, you'd have already been over there to wish her a Happy Birthday. So go now. I won't tell her you forgot. I promise. And while you're there, marvel at the wondrous photography.

What... you're still here? Go! See. Be amazed.

 This image and others available for sale at my RedBubble Site!

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happy birthday anna

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 This image and others available for sale at my RedBubble Site!

Do stop in over at Anna's Blog and wish her well on her birthday won't you?

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live on (or: kenny wayne shepherd must have a song for everything!)

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Sometimes life suckerpunches you in ways that just can't be described as fair by anybody's rule book. I've been dropped by a few blindside shots like that in my life and I've been lucky enough to have friends who have sometimes literally -- if not physically -- carried me on their backs until I could regain my feet. This song is posted for a friend who's taken more than one such punch recently. But despite all that she propped me up through a rough patch of my own without a word of complaint. That's the rarest kind of friendship, and I'm more grateful for it than she'll ever fully comprehend. You know who you are girl. So put on the headphones, press play and crank.it.up. This one's for you. With all the best thoughts I can muster.

Live On (With thoughts for a friend)
Kenny Wayne Shepherd, Live On (Giant Records - 1999)

Hello my friend
Can't sleep again
Got too much on my mind
It's half past three
You're calling me
Just to make everything alright

Can't see the light
Heat of the night
Tired of feeling so wrong
Well, I've been there
And it's not fair
But you just gotta live...live on

Yeah, you gotta live on
Another day
Well, your luck is bound to change
It might be cold out
But you just hold out
The sun is gonna shine your way

I know it's true
I'm living proof

The road is hard and long
If I could find a way
I'd take your place
But, you just gotta live... live on
Oh, live on

[Guitar solo]

You gotta live on
Oh, another day
Yeah, your luck is bound to change
It might be cold out
But you just hold out
The sun is gonna shine your way

I know it's true
I'm living proof
The road is hard and long
If I could find a way
I'd take your place
But, you just gotta live... live on
Oh, live on...yeah, you gotta live on
Oh...live on

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capitulation

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Read the final page
It will tell you everything
You ever need know

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You know more ways to
Hide than I know ways to seek
You can come out now

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trouble me

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This image and many others featured in my book Distant Echoes, available from Amazon.com

Trouble Me
10,000 Maniacs, Blind Man's Zoo (Elektra Records - 1989)

Trouble

Trouble me, disturb me
With all your cares - and your worries
Trouble me
On the days when you feel spent

Why let your shoulders bend
Underneath this burden, when my
Back is sturdy and strong - trouble me

Speak to me, don't mislead me
The calm I feel means a storm is swelling
Speak to me, there's no telling
Where it starts or how it ends

Speak to me, why are you building
This thick brick wall - to defend me?
Speak to me, when your silence
Is my greatest fear?

Why let your shoulders bend
Underneath this burden, when my
Back is sturdy and strong - speak to me

Let me have a look
Inside these eyes while I'm learning
Let me, please don't hide them
Just because of tears

Let me send you off to sleep with a
"There, there now, stop your turning and tossing"
Let me, let me know where
The hurt is, and how to heal

(Bridge)
Spare
Spare me?
Don't spare me
Anything troubling

Trouble me, disturb me
With all your cares and your worries
Speak to me, and let our words build
A shelter from the storm
Let me, and lastly
Let me know what I can mend

There's more, honestly
Than my sweet friend, you can see
Trust is what I'm offering
If you trouble me

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have you ever...

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Have you ever done something with as pure an intent as the human heart is capable of only to figure out later that what you intended as helpful was in fact hurtful? Does that happen to other people, or is it just me? Because I seem to have developed a real talent for it.

And I hate that. A lot.

Because the person who's hurt is still hurt, no matter the intent.

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i am not dreaming

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I don’t remember dreams
But if I did
I would remember the one
Where I stand on the beach
Scanning the ocean
Just beyond the breakers
Where the riptides don’t reach
Where the swells are steep
Where you are.

But this is not a dream
This is the reality,
Metaphorical but no less real
That clings to my consciousness

I know you must do this
Must make this journey
I know you’re strong
A much stronger swimmer

Than I will ever be
I also know
The mighty, indifferent force
Of the ocean.
So I search for you
Among the swells and the foam
Amid the ocean’s vastness
You are not afraid I imagine
Not nearly so terrified as I
Who can only watch and wait
For you to return to shore.

I pray for your safety
Pacing the shoreline
And weeping at the need
For you to be so far out at all.

If I remembered dreams
I would remember this one.

This image and poem -- along with many others -- is featured in my book Distant Echoes, available from Amazon.com

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About this piece: It's hard when someone you care about is struggling. It's harder still when the most helpful thing you can do is watch, listen and wait to be useful. Who hasn't been there?

About the photo: Taken on Front Street in Beaufort, NC in October of 2008, and not really related to the poem other than in its dreamlike (to me) feel.

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Extra! Extra! Fashionista Celebrates Birthday!

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So here's the thing. My Auntie Daryl's birthday is today and I wanna see all ya'll at the party. There's cake, there's tunes, there's hot women lots of fantastic company, and general ... what's the word Dad says? Oh yeah, "hungama". Not sure what that means*, but it sounds cool. So what're you waiting for? Nobody throws a party like Auntie D... 'cept maybe me ;).

* "Hungama" is a Hindi word meaning "fun, revelry, general festiveness".

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Extra! Extra! Manx Faerie Secret Agent Celebrates Birthday!

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Click and hold to douse the lights

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Who's our mystery guest? Well if you ask her, she doesn't actually exist. And for a while late last year I was beginning to worry that she might have been right! Babooshka, International Woman of Mystery, who's known to haunt the seaside town of Ramsey on the Isle of Man (and The Swan, one of its better known pubs) has crossed the start finish line on her latest lap in the Life on Earth TT (if you don't get it, it's okay. She will.) Always behind the camera, we might catch a faint reflection of her in her many photos on Ramsey Daily Photo but if you do, it's an accident. Not that it matters, mind you. Her work behind the camera more than makes up for her absence in front of it. Go visit Ramsey and you'll see the striking, craggy Manx coastline, the searing motorbikes of the Isle of Man Tourist Trophy races (and practices!) The Swan pub and the now-legendary Ramsey Swing Bridge (from -- at last count -- 24 different views... on the way to 100). And all this brought to you with an often satirical, occasionally irreverent, and always flamboyant style that's uniquely Babs. So hop on over there and have a look around. Don't worry, she'll keep the faerie folk from making off with ya.

Happy Birthday Babs, and many more. (And sorry love, but I nicked one of your swing bridge shots for the background in your card. Well it's not like I could exactly ask first, now could I? It was suppose to be a buggerin' surprise fer pity's sake!)

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The Spiffy Report: Happy (belated) Anniversary!

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"Sorry guys, I'm just a bit distracted lately."

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January 3, 2009
He Said:

The wedding came off with a hitch, which was part of the plan. The Tiny House was stuffed to the gizzard with friends and family, most of whom drove over an hour to be here. I’m extremely grateful to the folks who came to celebrate with us! Bloggers you know were here as well, notably Kenju (and Mr. Kenju), Renn, Mojo, and Tiff, who played the part of Bride.

She Said:

"Saturday was a pretty darned good day.

There were snacks
And flowers
And friends and family
And a minister
And a bride and groom

There was the mention of death's bony finger^*, words of love, an exchange of rings, and a kiss. No, TWO kisses. BONUS!"

Those of you who know me best know this: I don't shoot weddings. I just don't. It's not my thing for a lot of reasons and there are people (who are much better at it than I) who will be thrilled beyond reason to do the job for you. But it's not for me. But in the last (counting on fingers) eight years there have been exactly two exceptions that prove the rule. The first of these involved people you never heard of (though a couple of their photos did sneak onto my blog). the second case, however, was the social event of the season for Western Wake Forest, the Spiffy Wedding wherein Tiff and Biff pledged their undying love and devotion one to the other in the presence of witnesses and one tres cool minister who could even pull off Death's bony finger with aplomb. (Don't ask.)

What's disturbing is that I was at this wedding, and even provided the twenty-seven 8 x 10 color glossy photographs with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was should they ever need evidence that these nuptials actually took place. And despite all that...

The anniversary of this blessed event completely slipped by doddering old man's mind until just a while ago when Tiff left a comment on ... one of today's other posts. (I forget which one)

Guys, I can only chalk it up advancing age and recent distraction. But I hope the new waffle iron is kicking some blueberry butt and taking names.

Happy (belated) Anniversary!

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^*Specifically, there was mention of pulling Death's bony finger.

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Thematic Photographic 82: "2009 - The Year that Was" v.6.0 - Grief and Loss, Domestic Violence Awareness Month and City Plaza

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"Wesley Long"
Greensboro, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

 Hosted by Written Inc.

"Speaking Without Tongues"
Durham, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

 Hosted by Written Inc.

"City Plaza"
Raleigh, NC - December 2009 (Click to embiggen)

 Hosted by Written Inc.

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The final quarter and change of 2009 was a tough time for a lot of people. Thematic Photographic's progenitor Carmi lost his father suddenly in September, a blow that staggered him and his family. Around that same time the Mimi, Queen of Memes and Peace Globes was struggling with watching her own father battle the illness that gripped him to the last. I couldn't make a trip to Ontario to visit with the Levy family, much as I would have liked to. But Mimi is (more or less) local, and I spent an afternoon with her at Wesley Long Hospital where I got this shot of an empty waiting room. Loss is an unfortunate part of life as we know it, but as a very wise blogger Akelamalu once wrote, "one's life, no matter how brief, is never wasted if we remember". And so it's in remembrance not only of these two, but of all the others we lost during 2009 that I present this photo.

October also brought another kind of remembrance with it, a remembrance of those who struggle with - and sometimes perish in - the grip of domestic violence. If you were reading this blog at pretty much any time during the month of October, you know (if you didn't know before) that October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. You're also doubtless aware of the blog project I've gotten involved in with Maggie Dammit known as Violence UnSilenced. But during October, I was privileged to witness and record a couple of events above and beyond that work. The first was a silent march in downtown Raleigh in memory of Jammie Street, a murdered mother of three who was allegedly shot to death by her estranged boyfriend. As powerful as that event was, however, it had nothing on the play "Speaking Without Tongues" a play by and for survivors produced by the Durham-based Hidden Voices. I was able to document both of these events for you here, and it's fitting to revisit them as part of a "Year in Review" series, because they certainly both impacted me deeply.

But not all of the latter days of 2009 were so grim. the Powers That Be of my fair city seem to think that we need strive to be on par with other major urban centers -- specifically New York City. and it's not that I object to urban renewal as a concept, or even that I object to the city's efforts to clean up the city core. I think these are laudable efforts on a lot of levels, most notably in containing urban sprawl. But in the process of "going vertical" I think perhaps the mayor and the city council are taking their eyes off the ball sometimes. Mr. Mayor, distinguished council members, honored guests: I submit to you that there is and ever shall be but one New York City, and it is neither necessary nor advisable to try to create another one here in our hometown. Growth, when it is properly managed, is good. But let's grow the things that make Raleigh what it is, not try to mutate it into something it isn't. Okay, soapbox mode is now off. I've shown you the area of Fayetteville Street where the "old" Civic Center used to be (if anything built 30 years ago can be called "old") and I've recently learned a couple of additional things about it. First, it has a real official name: "City Plaza". I"m going to go out on a limb and speculate that this is an extension of the naming convention that gave us "City Market". And in a recent My World Tuesday I touched on one of the elements of "Winterfest" -- the outdoor skating rink you don't see in this photo. That rink opened on the first night of Winterfest 2009 (December 4) in an "opening ceremony" that culminated with the lighting of this rather substantial Christmas tree. I forget now exactly how tall it is, but I do remember hearing that it held 10,000 lights -- over a mile's worth. I just hope they're the energy efficient LED variety, because I don't even like to think about the amount of electricity required to keep that outdoor rink frozen in this climate.

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Thank You Auntie D.

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"Thak you Auntie D and Uncle Ray and Rosie and, wherever you are now, Gus"
Raleigh, NC - December 2009 (Click to embiggen)

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Yesterday another one of those yummy smelling boxes came. And yay! More special treats from my Auntie Daryl!. Then today, Dad told me something really sad. He said Gus, Auntie Daryl and Uncle Ray's friend had "crossed The Bridge". So besides a thank you, I want to let them know how sorry I am that they lost their friend. Dad says he was pretty sick and in a lot of pain, so I'm glad he doesn't hurt now. But I know the rest of them are hurting because he's not there. Dad says there are people who won't get it 'cause Gus was "just a cat", and he says he feels sorry for those people 'cause they're missing some of the best stuff in life. And Dad? He's a dog person to the bone. So if he says so, it must be true.

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One Single Impression: Junction

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This one is a bit longer than I'd usually do. Guess I had a lot to say.

Junction (For Suzanne)
You crossed my path somehow
and his, and hers, and hers too.
And those over there. And those.
By ones and twos and threes, we came to know you.
So many of us, all wondering, all admiring, all adoring.

And we collected in small tribes.
Those paths crossed too.
Where this one knew that one, and that one knew you.
We all knew you.
Or thought we did.
We wanted to, who wouldn't?
We wanted to be illuminated by the bright smile we knew so well,
Loved so well.

And we came to your home
in ones, and twos, and threes
We came to laugh, to share.
We came to love and be loved.
We came to be astounded.
And we were. Every time, we were.

And then, by ones, and twos, and threes
we came and you weren't there.
And the void, the vaccuum left behind was filled
by ones
and twos
and threes.

By pictures with no frames.
By words, by the hundreds, by the thousands.
By songs with no singers.
And more words.
Left by those searching desperately for the right words.

Yes, you left us here.
But first, you brought us together.
Here in this place, where it's possible to cross all boundaries.
This place where you left us has no walls,
no doors,
no time.
You brought us to this junction where we still come.
Even now, today, to leave more words on your altar.
Still seeking the right ones.
Still seeking to fill the chasm with them.

Yes, you left us here.
But you left us here together.
And for that we are better.
For that, we love you still.

Rest well, my friend.

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Got a thought on this? Visit One Single Impression

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