Wordless Wednesday #165: Silence is Golden

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"Silent March"
Raleigh, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

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Thematic Photographic 82: "2009 - The Year that Was" v.6.0 - Grief and Loss, Domestic Violence Awareness Month and City Plaza

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"Wesley Long"
Greensboro, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

 Hosted by Written Inc.

"Speaking Without Tongues"
Durham, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

 Hosted by Written Inc.

"City Plaza"
Raleigh, NC - December 2009 (Click to embiggen)

 Hosted by Written Inc.

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The final quarter and change of 2009 was a tough time for a lot of people. Thematic Photographic's progenitor Carmi lost his father suddenly in September, a blow that staggered him and his family. Around that same time the Mimi, Queen of Memes and Peace Globes was struggling with watching her own father battle the illness that gripped him to the last. I couldn't make a trip to Ontario to visit with the Levy family, much as I would have liked to. But Mimi is (more or less) local, and I spent an afternoon with her at Wesley Long Hospital where I got this shot of an empty waiting room. Loss is an unfortunate part of life as we know it, but as a very wise blogger Akelamalu once wrote, "one's life, no matter how brief, is never wasted if we remember". And so it's in remembrance not only of these two, but of all the others we lost during 2009 that I present this photo.

October also brought another kind of remembrance with it, a remembrance of those who struggle with - and sometimes perish in - the grip of domestic violence. If you were reading this blog at pretty much any time during the month of October, you know (if you didn't know before) that October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. You're also doubtless aware of the blog project I've gotten involved in with Maggie Dammit known as Violence UnSilenced. But during October, I was privileged to witness and record a couple of events above and beyond that work. The first was a silent march in downtown Raleigh in memory of Jammie Street, a murdered mother of three who was allegedly shot to death by her estranged boyfriend. As powerful as that event was, however, it had nothing on the play "Speaking Without Tongues" a play by and for survivors produced by the Durham-based Hidden Voices. I was able to document both of these events for you here, and it's fitting to revisit them as part of a "Year in Review" series, because they certainly both impacted me deeply.

But not all of the latter days of 2009 were so grim. the Powers That Be of my fair city seem to think that we need strive to be on par with other major urban centers -- specifically New York City. and it's not that I object to urban renewal as a concept, or even that I object to the city's efforts to clean up the city core. I think these are laudable efforts on a lot of levels, most notably in containing urban sprawl. But in the process of "going vertical" I think perhaps the mayor and the city council are taking their eyes off the ball sometimes. Mr. Mayor, distinguished council members, honored guests: I submit to you that there is and ever shall be but one New York City, and it is neither necessary nor advisable to try to create another one here in our hometown. Growth, when it is properly managed, is good. But let's grow the things that make Raleigh what it is, not try to mutate it into something it isn't. Okay, soapbox mode is now off. I've shown you the area of Fayetteville Street where the "old" Civic Center used to be (if anything built 30 years ago can be called "old") and I've recently learned a couple of additional things about it. First, it has a real official name: "City Plaza". I"m going to go out on a limb and speculate that this is an extension of the naming convention that gave us "City Market". And in a recent My World Tuesday I touched on one of the elements of "Winterfest" -- the outdoor skating rink you don't see in this photo. That rink opened on the first night of Winterfest 2009 (December 4) in an "opening ceremony" that culminated with the lighting of this rather substantial Christmas tree. I forget now exactly how tall it is, but I do remember hearing that it held 10,000 lights -- over a mile's worth. I just hope they're the energy efficient LED variety, because I don't even like to think about the amount of electricity required to keep that outdoor rink frozen in this climate.

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Thematic Photographic 81: "Feet" v.2.0 - March On Redux

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"Silent March"
Raleigh, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

 Hosted by Written Inc.

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Another shot of the WCCADV Silent March in October. When Carmi announced the theme for this week, this shot and the one from yesterday sprang to mind immediately. I couldn't really use them in my pieces on the march itself because you can't really tell what's happening in the photo. These were more or less "bonus" shots, where I liked the angle and composition, but they didn't really fit with the piece I was writing. That's not a problem here though. But for those who might have come in late, you can find all of my related content here.

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Thematic Photographic 81: "Feet" v.1.0 - March On

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"Silent March"
Raleigh, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

 Hosted by Written Inc.

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I covered this event at great length back in October for Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but to recap briefly this was a "silent march" in memory of Jammie Shantel Street, a young mother of three gunned down outside her children's daycare. Her estranged boyfriend has been charged in the shooting. The Wake County Coalition Against Domestic Violence, a group of advocacy and law enforcement agencies, hosts such a march any time a DV related homicide takes place in Wake County. The purpose of the marches is twofold. To remember the victims specifically, and to raise awareness of the problem in general. For more related content on this and other events, click here.

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Open Letters: Dear Congressman John Carter (R, TX)

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Congressman John Carter of Texas' 31st District has me on his mailing list. I don't know why. I don't live in Texas, and to be brutally honest I can't think of a single issue that he's dropped in my in box that I agree with him on. That by itself is hardly unique. After all there are at least two legislators from North Carolina (where I do live) that can claim the same distinction. Normally I don't read Carter's blather because it only nauseates me to hear a guy lip sync to Dick Cheney and Karl Rove. But for some reason I read all of his diatribe against H.R. 3962 (Affordable Health Care for America Act). Apparently Congressman Carter called upon his constituents to call every member of congress and try to convince them to vote down the bill. Typical, and predictable. But I think it was his closing statement that caught my attention the most. And I quote:

"This debate isn't about healthcare," says Carter. "It is about seizing political power and control for the few at the expense of the many. Win or lose on this vote, Americans can now see why we have got to throw this Congress out in 2010."

Actually Congressman, this debate is about seizing political power from the few who have held the throats of the many under their boots for far too long. As for "throwing out this congress", that process began in 2006, continued in 2008 and if God is merciful, will continue in 2010. You and your power hungry "old boy network" are done. The American electorate has spoken in two consecutive elections. You have not listened. And as a consequence you will, God willing, find yourself out of a job by this time next year.

We have seen case after case of abuses of power by monolithic insurance giants. Cases of denials of coverage for some of the most preposterous of reasons. When a rape victim is denied coverage because she followed her doctor's orders and took a course of antiviral drugs as a preventive measure against possible HIV infection¹ (which, it's worth noting, she did not have), this is an egregious breach of good faith. I challenge you Congressman, I challenge you or any member of Congress to defend this unconscionable action. I challenge you and your cronies on Capitol Hill to defend an insurance company that refuses to cover the cost of treatment for injuries sustained by a victim of domestic violence by having the gall to deem it a "pre-existing condition".² Go ahead Congressman, I'm waiting.

Well?

Perhaps you'd like an easier question. I'll work on that for you.

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¹ For more of this story, check out this article in The Huffington Post.
² For more on this story, start with this article from the SEIU Blog

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Dona Nobis Pacem

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"Peace At Home: Wake Coalition Against Domestic Violence Silent March"
Raleigh, NC - October 13, 2009

For more  on the subject, click through on the image.

"He strangled me, beat me, and left me for dead on our hallway floor."
-- Michelle

"Whack! Across my face it swept. Didn't see it coming. But then I rarely did. It was as if there were a draft in the room. Cold air seeping. Energy being sucked out."
-- Won

Peace. What a wonderfully nebulous concept. Formless and shifting and impossible to define in absolute terms. We only know when we don't have it. On the global scale, I seem to remember someone saying that in the entire course of recorded history there have been fewer than 20 days when there was not an armed conflict in progress. That's a pretty bad batting average. But consider peace on a smaller, very localized scale. Consider that we can't last nine seconds in the US without another instance of domestic violence. When you think in those terms, it doesn't seem surprising at all. How will we ever get two nations to come to the table if we can't get two people there?

"To the outside world our family seemed normal; a respected father, adored mother and well behaved children. We played normal so well."
-- Kristina

"He would lash out with a knife or his fist and I would be where his anger would land."
-- Kelly

Coalition forces in Iraq and Afghanistan have suffered 6266 fatalities since the wars there began in October of 2001 (source http://www.icasualties.org/). A soldier's death is a tragic loss to every one of us. But the courageous men and women who wear our nation's uniforms assume that risk. They stand in harm's way in our defense, knowing that it could cost them their lives. It is not my intent to minimize that honor and sacrifice. I hope only to give context to another casualty figure.

The Domestic Violence Resource Center (http://www.dvrc-or.org/) estimates that three women and one man are killed each day in the US by their spouses or intimate partners. Using that estimate, in the same period (2949 days) since the commencement of hostilities in Southwest Asia, DV-related homicides have resulted in 188% (11796) of the number of Coalition fatalities. There are no embedded journalists, no 24-hour coverage on CNN and the headlines are usually relegated to Page 3. But nearly twice as many women and men have become casualties in a war that is fought behind locked doors, in dark corners by people who profess to love the ones they kill. A war that none of the casualties enlisted to fight, a war that none of them expected to find themselves in. And certainly not one they deserved.

When did "home" become more dangerous than a combat zone??

"Humiliation, pain, self-disgust and hatred were the price of marriage. Love meant being hurt. I cried at night when no one was listening."
-- Naimhe

"...he found out about the restraining order and proceeded to break it - and me - into tiny little pieces."
-- Rachel Ann

These are the ones who must leave it to others to tell their stories. They cannot speak for themselves, and so I hope to speak for them here today. I hope to do right by those who have fallen, and by those who still have hope of escape. Because there are hundreds more every day who are not killed, but are only an arm's reach away from being the next fatality. In 24 hours, the clock ticks 86,400 times. And every ninth tick brings with it another instance of domestic violence. Nine thousand, six hundred times since this time yesterday, someone was beaten, abused, perhaps even murdered.

Peace on earth?

How about we start with Peace at Home?

"I have been demeaned, belittled, hit, kicked, cussed out and stifled. I have been sexually abused. I have been all of these things and most people who know me are completely unaware of it.

I am just like you." -- Cary

To see what the rest of Bloggeritaville is saying on the subject, go visit Mimi Writes.......: Dona Nobis Pacem. and maybe leave a link of your own there while you're at it.

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Ruby Tuesday #63: "Speaking Without Tongues"

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"Because It's Important"
Durham, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

 Hosted at Work of the Poet

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Domestic Violence Awareness Month: A Wrap-Up Post for DVAM 2009

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This post is probably going to piss a few people off at first. And a few of them may stay pissed off. Which is too bad, but I'll cope. So here goes.

Domestic violence is not a "women's issue". And trying to label it as one does a disservice to all of the victims. No, I'll amend that. It ill serves everyone.

I'll stand back now and let you throw what you will. Feel better now? Okay. I'll explain.

I wouldn't ever, ever attempt to minimize the impact that the epidemic of domestic violence has on women. (If you've read any of my other posts on this topic, you know that. If you haven't, then I hope you will.) I'm not for a single moment suggesting that women are not abused in DV incidents every minute of every day. I'm not indicting those who label domestic violence a "women's issue" either. We're conditioned to think that way. When we refer to a hypothetical victim, it is almost invariably with feminine pronouns;

"She will be..."

"Her self-esteem is..."

I do it, you do it, we all do it. Even though we give a nodding acknowledgment that not every victim of domestic violence is a woman. But even if that were true, even if every.single.victim of domestic violence ever was a woman, domestic violence would still not be a "women's issue". It would be, it is, an issue that belongs to all of us. Be we man, woman, child, gay, straight, transgendered, black, white or somewhere in the rainbow between we all have a stake in this issue.

There are victims of domestic violence who are men. Anyone who's been around it for any time at all will tell you that. Domestic violence victims are marginalized, isolated, and cut off. Anyone who's been around it for any time at all will tell you that too. And we further isolate them when we - intentionally or not - blame the victims for the abuse. When we ask them why they stay in an abusive relationship, we're suggesting that they aren't "doing as much as they could to help themselves". When we demand that they leave the abuser - and now! - we're issuing an ultimatum. When we make excuses for the abuser, "Oh, it's not as bad as..." or "You could do a lot worse." or "He's just having a bad day/week/month/year." we tell them that they are wrong, that they're not being abused, that "they're over-reacting" or worse, making it up.

That happens with any victim. But when domestic violence is equated with violence against women, we don't just marginalize the male victim. We flatly tell him that he's not a victim because he's not a woman. When we speak of victims using solely feminine pronouns in our discussions of the problem, we invalidate him. He's no longer a "legitimate" victim. At best, he's the outsider in the group of outcasts. Because the "normal" victim, the "typical" victim is a woman. And yet we wonder why only 7% of men responded that they had been abused. Worse, we assume that those 7% represent the only male victims.

Perhaps the problem is that we attempt to classify, to label, to define when all we really need to do is recognize that no one asks -- or deserves -- to be abused. Maybe it's time to throw the terms "domestic" and "gender" and "intimate partner" out of the definition of "violence" and just call it what it is. But this will not happen. So we're stuck working within the paradigm we're given, where we segregate violence into different compartments based on who's getting beaten up.

I just try to remember that a victim is someone who needs to be understood, and needs to be helped in whatever way is possible and safe. And it doesn't matter if that person is male, female or transgendered or none of the above.

They all deserve better.

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I hadn't intended to make this a series when I wrote that first post back on Gandhi's birthday. But it seemed that everywhere I went this month I was encountering People Doing Good Things. And those things need to be recognized. They need to be celebrated because they are far too rare. I've been posting a list of "Things To Do For National Domestic Violence Awareness Month" on every post in this series. But none of the items on that list, and only one or two on Carrie's list, are specific to the month of October. The problem continues 365 days a year, it follows that the efforts to combat it must keep the same calendar. A lot of the fervor will die down faster than a Halloween sugar buzz once the calendar has a turkey on it rather than a pumpkin. That's predictable. My hope is that when this November rolls around a few more people are a little bit more aware, a little more educated, a little more inspired. So "officially" I guess this wraps this series for the year. (After all, you can't really tag a post with "Domestic Violence Awareness Month" when… it isn't.) It's been an enlightening and at times inspiring month, and I look forward to the 2010 model being bigger, better, faster yet. Until then, I'll keep the torch lit. I hope you will too.

If you're looking for ways to help, read this article: Wednesday Q&A: How Can I Honor DV Awareness Month? Carrie's answer to that question has a list of great suggestions, but I'd like to add a couple of things for anyone who has a blog, a website, an account on FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter or some other social network. And it won't cost you a nickel to do any of them.

• Publish a link to VU on your page/blog: http://violenceunsilenced.com/
• Link to, or better yet, embed the promotional YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wnxaSs4wZY
• Visit and comment on as many of the survivor stories on VU as possible (new stories are published weekly on Monday and Thursday). Give those courageous enough to speak out the validation and support they deserve. Because for every story that's published, there are hundreds that are still ongoing. And someone somewhere is reading her (or his) life story in the words of another.

And if you need any assistance figuring out how to do any of these, feel free to contact me. (My function with VU is mainly tech support, so if you contact Maggie with a tech question she's gonna send you to me anyway.)

Refuse to Not See.

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As Real As It Gets: "Speaking Without Tongues"

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"The women and girls who live this story do not want to be seen. They tell their stories in dim light, in rooms with tightly closed doors; they glance at windows to be sure there is no opening. They do not want to remember. They do not want to speak. No matter. What is not spoken is still heard." -- Speaking Without Tongues"

Follow this link to see the slideshow at full size.

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Our Town.

That was my first thought as I eased into the front row of Reynolds Theater at Duke University on a rainy Tuesday evening and got my first look at the stage that would house Hidden Voices' production of Speaking Without Tongues. And the sparse staging does recall Thornton Wilder's landmark study in Americana, but that's about as far as the similarity goes. George and Emily do not live happily ever after here. Because in this town, George is a hideous memory that still haunts and terrifies Emily even after she has escaped him.

Weaving together the metaphorical Russian fairy tale of The Armless Maiden with the gritty, real-life stories of the players on stage Speaking Without Tongues isn't merely a play. It is a testimony. Told in snippets taken from each player's personal life, the pieces fall together so easily that it could all have been one tale. And in fact, it is one tale. One that is repeated every nine seconds in the US alone.

What was presented on the Reynolds stage was not a work of fiction. The stories told by the players were their own, told in their own words, their own voices, their own expressions and their own tears. Horror is heaped up on horror until even I was sure that they must be making it up. Then I realized that I only wished they were making it up. Because the stories played out in the dark of the stage are the same ones I read every week on Violence UnSilenced. But with the added component of being able to see the face and hear the voice that is telling the story. This? This is as real as it gets.

What has always confounded me personally is that however different the stories may be in the details, at their core they are all one story. The formula is as tested and true as any script, only the actors and the locations change. And I can't help but wonder if the pattern is so very predictable, why is this still a problem?

Maybe this is Our Town after all.

If you have the opportunity to see Speaking Without Tongues in the future, see it. If you've seen it already, see it again. It carries a message that cannot be told -- or heard -- often enough, even by those who know it already.

If you'd like more information on this and other Hidden Voices Projects, visit http://hiddenvoices.org/.

For details on Speaking Without Tongues in particular, visit http://hiddenvoices.org/pod/project/1.

And if you'd like to see additional photos by other people (who are actually associated with the project) from last year's production and behind the scenes, visit http://hiddenvoices.org/working/speaking-without-tongues-photos. (Note: At last check the link to the participants' portraits was broken, but because I'm so very clever I was able to figure out that it should be: http://hiddenvoices.org/projects/speaking-without-tongues/speaking-without-tongues-photos/participants/.)

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Domestic Violence Awareness Month: "Speaking Without Tongues", Durham, NC 10.20.2009

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Shortly after I read artist Michelle Major's post on Violence UnSilenced for Monday, I saw an article in the local weekly free paper about a group I'd never heard of called Hidden Voices. One thing, as it so often does, leading to another I found myself heading west to Durham on Tuesday evening to the artists reception for an exhibit called "Speaking Without Tongues". While Hidden Voices supports all marginalized communities and not only survivors of domestic violence, this event was dedicated to DV survivors who chose to tell their stories through their art. Some are painters, some photographers, some are musicians, some poets. All of them have a story to tell. And while I don't know their individual circumstances, I know their stories only too well.

"Hidden Voices"
Durham, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

These are the same stories I read twice a week on Violence UnSilenced, and for all their differences, they are disturbingly formulaic. The names change. The zip codes and income levels change. The ethnicity and religious backgrounds vary widely. The stories, however, do not.

Domestic violence is the great equalizer. If you take away references to neighborhoods and schools you can't tell if the person telling the tale is an affluent white woman with a Masters Degree who has been married 43 years or a 23-year-old single mother with a GED pouring coffee for the truckers on the Interstate. It is a problem that recognizes no class divisions, that respects no boundaries. And perhaps you think you're not affected by it because you're not in the 25% of women or 7% of men who have been, are now or will be in an abusive relationship. I say you're mistaken. You may not be taking a punch in the face, but I guarantee you that someone you know is.

"Hidden Voices"
Durham, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

As luck would have it, I will have another opportunity to see these courageous artists in a different kind of performance. And if you live near or will be in the Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill metro, so will you. There will be another, different kind of performance on Tuesday October 27 at The Reynolds Theater in the Bryan University Center at Duke. And so that you (and I) don't have to endure the same confusion over directions and parking, I've included a handy quick reference map below with a link to Google Maps. It should take you right to the door. Parking for the Bryan Center is in the large deck adjacent to it on Science Drive and cost $5 for the reception and I'd expect the same for the next event.

Directions and maps

View Larger Map

If you're looking for other ways to help, read this article: Wednesday Q&A: How Can I Honor DV Awareness Month? Carrie's answer to that question has a list of great suggestions, but I'd like to add a couple of things for anyone who has a blog, a website, an account on FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter or some other social network. And it won't cost you a nickel to do any of them.

• Publish a link to VU on your page/blog: http://violenceunsilenced.com/
• Link to, or better yet, embed the promotional YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wnxaSs4wZY
• Visit and comment on as many of the survivor stories on VU as possible (new stories are published weekly on Monday and Thursday). Give those courageous enough to speak out the validation and support they deserve. Because for every story that's published, there are hundreds that are still ongoing. And someone somewhere is reading her (or his) life story in the words of another.

And if you need any assistance figuring out how to do any of these, feel free to contact me. (My function with VU is mainly tech support, so if you contact Maggie with a tech question she's gonna send you to me anyway.)

Refuse to Not See.

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My World Tuesday #53: "Deafening Silence"

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"Every.Nine.Seconds."
Raleigh, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

"Silent, But Not Without a Voice"
Raleigh, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

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By now you may be tired of hearing about the Silent March that didn't quite make it in time for last week's MWT Edition. (Deal with it.) But while some of you were reading my thoughts on the virtues of Tate Street Coffee House, I was witnessing something at once sobering and uplifting. For perhaps 30 minutes, an estimated 50 people marched in a silent parade from the front of the Wake County Courthouse, down to the corner of Fayetteville and Davie Streets, then back up Fayetteville Street to Martin Street. A silent procession, staged partly to mourn and remember someone most of the participants had never met. Staged partly for the memory of Jammie Shantel Street, partly for the support of her sister who was among the crowd, but mainly to keep a spotlight focused on the pervasive and growing problem of domestic violence.

The marchers did not shout slogans, they did not sing protest songs, they did not wail and hurl invective at the universe or the courts under whose windows they marched. They carried hand-lettered signs to inform the onlookers of their purpose, and marched in a deafening quietude up the block in front of the courthouse, and down it in front of the WTVD Channel 11 studios. One pass, two, the sound of footsteps the only accompaniment to their unspoken words. A third pass, and a fourth and a few of the onlookers murmured support. How many circuits they completed I couldn't say. I lost count in trying to capture the quiet, dignified determination in their faces. I only knew that I was witnessing something extraordinary, and that I needed to get these shots right. Because this was important. People need to know. They need to see.

That was my lunch hour for Tuesday, October 13, 2009. My father was -- both personally and professionally -- a staunch supporter of InterAct during his life. And October 13, 2009 would have been his 77th birthday. I think he would have approved.

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Thematic Photographic 71: "Open" v.3.0 - Opening Eyes

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"Silent Protest"
Raleigh, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

 Hosted by Written Inc.

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That's what this woman and about 50 other men and women hoped to do on this sunny October afternoon. The Wake County Domestic Violence Task Force, a coalition of various groups in both the public and private sectors, stages a "Silent March" in front of the Wake County Courthouse each time there is a DV related homicide in the county. This particular march was to honor the memory of Jammie Shantel Street, who was shot to death outside her childrens day care center on her way to work. Ms. Street's sister attended the march, and I hope that in addition to opening the public's eyes to the prevalence of domestic violence, the demonstration also opened hers to the kind of support she has available to her.

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Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Silent March for Domestic Violence Awareness, Raleigh, NC 10.13.2009

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They came. Men and women, young and old, black, white and in between. Fifty or so of them, all with one purpose. To turn a beacon on the dark corners where domestic violence lives. To clean out the festering, stinking wound that it has left on us as a species. To heal a woman who'd lost her sister, to heal each other, some to heal themselves. On a sunny midday in October, they gathered in front of the county courthouse to march in silent homage to Jammie Shantel Street, a young mother of three gunned down outside her children's day care center. Her boyfriend and father of her youngest child, Daniel Jerome Montgomery stands accused of the murder. Montgomery allegedly turned the gun on himself after shooting Street, but survived and will be formally charged when he leaves the hospital.

"Walk Softly And Carry A Big Message"
Raleigh, NC - October 2009 (Click to embiggen)

But the mood of the group was neither somber, nor grim, nor even angry. They marched with quiet determination, despite the certainty that there would be more marches, more deaths in the future. The Wake County Domestic Violence Task Force organizes one of these "Silent Marches" each time a DV related homicide occurs in Wake County. The mission of the march is to honor the fallen and to heighten public awareness of the scourge of domestic violence. The mission of the marchers, however, is not always so generically defined, and almost never so cleanly described. For some, the motivation is deeply personal. A sister, a grandchild, a friend lost to a senseless tragedy every bit as painful as the one they are remembering publicly today. But whatever motivated them to come here, they came. And Raleigh will know they were here.

If you're looking for other ways to help, read this article: Wednesday Q&A: How Can I Honor DV Awareness Month? Carrie's answer to that question has a list of great suggestions, but I'd like to add a couple of things for anyone who has a blog, a website, an account on FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter or some other social network. And it won't cost you a nickel to do any of them.

• Publish a link to VU on your page/blog: http://violenceunsilenced.com/
• Link to, or better yet, embed the promotional YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wnxaSs4wZY
• Visit and comment on as many of the survivor stories on VU as possible (new stories are published weekly on Monday and Thursday). Give those courageous enough to speak out the validation and support they deserve. Because for every story that's published, there are hundreds that are still ongoing. And someone somewhere is reading her (or his) life story in the words of another.

And if you need any assistance figuring out how to do any of these, feel free to contact me. (My function with VU is mainly tech support, so if you contact Maggie with a tech question she's gonna send you to me anyway.)

Refuse to Not See.

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Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Alpha Chi Omega and the Jessie Bliss McGrew Freedom Fund

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One of the things I love most about SiteMeter is that it tells me how people arrive in my humble corner of Blogaritaville. And this morning I noticed that somebody had gotten here searching for YouTube Videos about domestic violence. In following their search string, I ran across this video. The story told here is painfully similar to those told every week on Violence UnSilenced. But in this case, by watching and listening to the story, you can actually directly benefit survivors of domestic violence. For every person who views the video $1 will be donated to the Jessie Bliss McGrew Freedom Fund within the Alpha Chi Omega Foundation. (For more information on Alpha Chi Omega and the Jessie Bliss McGrew Freedom Fund, visit this site.Funds up to $22,000 have been pledged by sponsors based on viewership, so it will only cost you four minutes of your time. Four minutes that could make all the difference for someone who desperately needs it. Someone like the latest contributing author on Violence UnSilenced who found out just how difficult leaving can be -- even if you can leave safely.
I also encourage you to view this Flash presentation by the foundation from the campaign of (I believe) 2005. Whether or not the pledged funds from that campaign are still available, there is still good information in the presentation that could help you help someone else.

If you're looking for other ways to help, read this article: Wednesday Q&A: How Can I Honor DV Awareness Month? Carrie's answer to that question has a list of great suggestions, but I'd like to add a couple of things for anyone who has a blog, a website, an account on FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter or some other social network. And it won't cost you a nickel to do any of them.

• Publish a link to VU on your page/blog: http://violenceunsilenced.com/
• Link to, or better yet, embed the promotional YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wnxaSs4wZY
• Visit and comment on as many of the survivor stories on VU as possible (new stories are published weekly on Monday and Thursday). Give those courageous enough to speak out the validation and support they deserve. Because for every story that's published, there are hundreds that are still ongoing. And someone somewhere is reading her (or his) life story in the words of another.

And if you need any assistance figuring out how to do any of these, feel free to contact me. (My function with VU is mainly tech support, so if you contact Maggie with a tech question she's gonna send you to me anyway.)

Refuse to Not See.

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October is (Also) Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

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Related Posts

Almost everybody knows that October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. The pink ribbons abound and we see reminders of it everywhere. And this is good. This is an absolutely necessary and outstanding cause to put our efforts, time, and resources behind.

It's just not the only cause.

Less well known (by its very nature) is that October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The purple ribbons tend to fade into the shadows, and the announcements are quieter, less assertive, and frequently missed. That's the nature of Domestic Violence. It lurks in the dark corners, the dirty shameful little secret nobody wants to talk about. The victims are often too beaten down to speak up, and the bystanders talk about it in hushed whispers, out of earshot when they speak of it at all. And in those whispered conversations you hear things like, "Why doesn't she just leave?" or "How can she let this happen to her?". And the victim is twice a victim. Once at the hands of the abuser, and again at the hands of society at-large. Confirming for her what she already feels -- she is alone.

One in 8 women in the US will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime. A new case is reported every three minutes. We're horrified by this -- as we should be. But I mention it more because as horrible as that statistic is, an American woman has a one in four chance of becoming a DV victim in her lifetime. And the frequency of domestic violence incidents in this country is one every nine seconds. Meaning in the time it would take to watch this one-minute video six women will suffer, and the clock will be running out for the seventh. Think about that for a moment. Do you know four women? I'm betting you do. Look around you. Can you see four women? Which one of them do you suppose is going to become the next statistic?

Since last February I've had the rare privilege of working with one of the finest human beings I know on her website, Violence UnSilenced. In just a very short while, this little site has made a big impact. At a total operating cost of $0. The web space and domain registration were donated and the content is provided by real life survivors. VU doesn't solicit money, (and in fact isn't even set up to accept it if it's offered). It's simply a place where the silence is broken. And hopefully where the cycle of violence is broken because of it.

VU also features a (more or less) weekly Q&A with a professional DV counselor, and a recent question (and answer) saved me a lot of research and typing. So if you're looking for a way to help, read this article: Wednesday Q&A: How Can I Honor DV Awareness Month? Carrie's answer to that question has a list of great suggestions, but I'd like to add a couple of things for anyone who has a blog, a website, an account on FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter or some other social network. And it won't cost you a nickel to do any of them.

• Publish a link to VU on your page/blog: http://violenceunsilenced.com/


• Link to, or better yet, embed the promotional YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wnxaSs4wZY


• Visit and comment on as many of the survivor stories on VU as possible (new stories are published weekly on Monday and Thursday). Give those courageous enough to speak out the validation and support they deserve. Because for every story that's published, there are hundreds that are still ongoing. And someone somewhere is reading her (or his) life story in the words of another.

And if you need any assistance figuring out how to do any of these, feel free to contact me. (My function with VU is mainly tech support, so if you contact Maggie with a tech question she's gonna send you to me anyway.)

Refuse to Not See.

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New Feature on Violence UnSilenced

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In the first few months since Violence UnSilenced first launched, the response has been nothing short of staggering. Literally thousands of visitors have come to bear witness to the awful truths in its pages. and the support and empathy in the comments has been astonishing.

In fact, there's only been one thing missing.

Answers. Answers to the hundreds of questions burning in the minds of readers as they ache for the surviviors and fear for those still trapped in the cycle. Maggie made it very clear in the very beginning that she's not an expert in the field, that she didn't have the training to offer the right answers, and that the wrong answers could very well be worse than no answer at all.

Enter Carrie K., a trained advocate who has worked with survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault, as well as their families and friends. Her background includes hotline advocacy, community education, and awareness and prevention programming around issues of domestic violence. She currently works for a domestic violence intervention and prevention program in Wisconsin. And now, she can add VU Resident Expert to that resume. Carrie has volunteered to field the questions that rise out of the stories. To turn awareness into action.

This new feature will normally run on Wednesdays, but the first of the questions is on today, and it's a home run hit off the first pitch.
Wednesday Q&A: I suspect my neighbor is being abused, what do I do? - May 28, 2009
So what are you waiting for? Go forth and read!

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I'm Not Ignoring You, Really I'm Not...

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But I've been busy working on this. (much better in HQ -- click the button in the lower right with the triangle on it and then the "HQ".)



And can I just say, for the record, that Windoze Movie Maker is a complete piece of sh*t? I mean really.

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Violence (Finally) Unsilenced

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You might remember a little while back a post I did about an new blog coming soon that addresses the subject of domestic violence. (Not to mention the sticky post that's been lingering here for weeks in this very spot!) Well the time has arrived, and Violence Unsilenced is now open for business.

Serious business.

If you've ever read Maggie Dammit's work over at Okay, Fine, Dammit you already know what an incredible writer she is. (And if you haven't read her, you really should!) But if you've read her recent work, you've also seen a passion burning in her. Burning brightly enough to chase the shadows away from the plague of domestic violence in every dark corner of our society. Burning brightly enough to shine a light on a problem that for far too long was kept locked away behind closed doors and false smiles.

When I first learned of her intent to launch this project, I was struck by the courage of her contributors. Real women, real victims -- no, not victims, survivors -- willing to expose their deepest and most closely held secrets so that maybe, just maybe, another woman wouldn't have to suffer the same fate. But her contributors aren't the only ones with stories to tell. One in every four women in the US falls victim to this kind of abuse. Every nine seconds, there's another instance, another victim.

Be warned, there will be some very visceral material in these stories. Violence Unsilenced is not for the faint of heart. But if you're a victim perhaps knowing that you're not alone will give you what you need to escape. And if you're not a victim, you might know someone who is and not even be aware of it. The stories of these survivors, may be the thing that stirs your awareness and allows you to help a friend who didn't even know she (or he) needed it.

This is an important project, and I'm proud to be associated with it, even if that association is only peripheral. So go forth and read. Learn. Become aware. Because only through awareness can we hope to begin to reverse the pattern.

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Violence Unsilenced

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Twelve seconds.

That's how long it took me to read the 55 words in my last Flash Fiction installment. How long did it take you? Go ahead, time yourself. I'll wait.

Welcome back. So what's the verdict? Ten seconds? Twelve? Fifteen?

More than nine? Unless you're a speed reader, I figure nine second is a good minimum. So in the time it took you to read my 55 fictional words, one very non-fictional woman right here in the good ol' U.S. of A. fell victim to a very non-fictional instance of domestic violence.

And the clock started ticking for another one.

The comments on that most recent chapter brought a (tick-tock) grim smile to my face. "Disturbing" wrote one of you. "Not fun", said another. "Uncomfortable". "Intense".

Good.

It should be uncomfortable. Disturbing. And it speaks to your humanity that you found it so. And because this is fiction, you can stop reading it. Because it's fiction, I can stop writing it. I created this (tick-tock) world, I can disassemble it just as easily. I can turn the story in a different, happier direction. One that's less likely to bruise the sensibilities of my audience.

I could become one of those sleeping around my heroine to cowed by fear to speak or to act. We all could. Because this is (tick-tock) an ugly story isn't it? And with so much ugliness in the real world, do we really want to read it in our fiction? No, of course we don't. We'd rather it went away. Because it's gruesome. It's disturbing. It's frightening and we don't want to look at it.

And most of us have (tick-tock) a choice. But one out of every four women in this country isn't so lucky. For that 25% looking away is impossible. Because it confronts them no matter what direction they look. And every nine seconds that ticks by, one of them is brutalized, beaten, raped, even killed. Just since we've been talking four, (tick-tock) make that five, women have been victimized by someone who is supposed to care for them, to watch out for them.

So don't read any more of my story. Instead, go visit Maggie Dammit, and see what looking the other way has brought us to. She will soon be unveiling a whole new blog (tick-tock) called Violence Unsilenced which she hopes (as do I) will bring this crisis out of the dark corners where it lives into the light where it can be dealt with.

Resolution begins with awareness. And awareness means looking right into the teeth of the problem with unflinching courage and resolve. And if my fanciful (tick-tock) tale of one woman can bring even one person to that point, then it's worth every nanosecond I've spent writing it.

Aur main nahin rokunga| (And I will not stop.)

(tick...)

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