tonka meets brayden

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night moves on main street

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55 flash fiction friday #74 - now ya tell me

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advice from a friend
Never fall for a writer.

Not a good one anyway.

You can never know her. You'll wander through the funhouse wondering how much is real and how much is reflection or illusion. Wondering where the author ends and the character begins.


Then she'll complain that you don't understand.

And you know what? She'll be right.

 Graciously hosted by G-Man.
I've Seen That Movie Too
Elton John, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (Rocket Group Pty LTD - 1973)

Alternate Endings
Got an idea how this story ends? Or begins? Check out the "Alternate Endings Party Game"
Last week's offerings can be found here.
To see everybody's contributions on everything, visit here.

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sky watch friday #80: oops

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Breaking News: Distant Echoes (Finally) Released

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Some of you already knew about this project, most of you probably didn't. But for the last couple of months I've been working on my first book. Yeah. A real live paper and ink type book. And I'm happy to report, that after 14 drafts and three proofs it is finally ready to be unleashed on an unsuspecting public. The cover image over there on the left will magically transport you to the CreateSpace eStore (currently the only retail outlet available). If you want to find out more, I've set up a new site specifically for this book and (hopefully) the ones to follow it. It's been a longer than anticipated process, and one that's had its share of frustrations. But it's also had more than its share of ... "joy" is the only word I can think of. It's been quite a ride already, and it's really just beginning.

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thank you bari much

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 This image and others available for sale at my RedBubble Site!

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what matters

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wordless wednesday #176: adrift

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 This image and others available for sale at my RedBubble Site!

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my world tuesday #71: after hours

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This image and many others featured in my book Distant Echoes, available from Amazon.com

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100 years

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100 Years
Five For Fighting, The Battle for Everything (Aware/Columbia Records - 2004)

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you're on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose

Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

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This post by Rob Kistner reminded me of this song so much I had to go find the video. If you haven't discovered Rob's blog yet, you should. Just trust me on this one. I loved this song from the first time I heard it, musically. And it wasn't long before I began to love it lyrically as well. Rob's inspiration was a considerably older song by Joni Mitchell, but the theme is the same. Life is way too short to wish it away. And too precious to waste. Why it takes getting beyond the halfway point to figure this out is beyond me. But it is what it is. Enjoy the song. Then go check out Rob. You'll be glad you did.

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winter memories iii

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This image and many others featured in my book Distant Echoes, available from Amazon.com

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everybody's fool (crank this one up)

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Everybody's Fool
Evanescence, Fallen (Wind Up Records - 2003)

Perfect by nature, icons of self-indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world
That never was and never will be
Have you no shame, don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled.

Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder.
Oh, how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending
But now I know she
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled.

Without the mask
Where will you hide?
Can't find yourself,
Lost in your lies
I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore

Never was and never will be
You don't know how you betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled.

Never was and never will be
You're not real and you can't save me
And somehow now you're everybody's fool.

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Note: Pardon me while I indulge my Evanescence jones, won't you? This isn't the first time I've referenced this song in this blog. It fits so much of modern life... Plus, it just plain rocks. Thanks for the company Amy. It's always a pleasure.

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bloom with a view

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lithium

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Lithium
Evanescence, The Open Door (Wind Up Records - 2006)

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.

Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone.
Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.
Never wanted it to be so cold.
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me.

I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

Don't want to let it lay me down this time.
Drown my will to fly.
Here in the darkness I know myself.
Can't break free until I let it go.
Let me go.

Darling, I forgive you after all.
Anything is better than to be alone.
And in the end I guess I had to fall.
Always find my place among the ashes.

I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow
Oh but God I want to let it go.

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true... the amontillado.

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55 flash fiction friday #73: conversation for one - iv

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vespers
Every night his dog sniffed the same fence-line, while he stared into the same sky, asking the same questions.
"Have you seen her? Is she okay?"

Every night, the same silence.
"Yeah. Thought so. Just take care of her, okay?"

One night, after months, his phone hummed to him.
"Hello?"
"Sorry, wrong number."
Click.

"Sad."

 Graciously hosted by G-Man.

Alternate Endings
If you've been hanging around for the last few weeks, you've heard about the "Alternate Endings Party Game" I started a while back. Originally it was just a single 55 that I thought could be spun a bunch of different ways and I invited people to fill in the blanks. Then someone carpe-ed some diem and wrote one for a different story, so the game expanded. You can find all of the original stories and the alternate endings at the link above. If you feel the muse, have a go at any of the ones already listed there or any others you might feel like. As people add to them, I'll expand that section to include any that people pick up. No rules, just write (to paraphrase the Outback Steakhouse commercials).

Titanium wasted no time in putting together something for this week's story (Seriously, the link wasn't even up yet folks! That girl is quiiiick.)
Last week's offerings can be found here. To see everybody's contributions on everything, visit here.

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sky watch friday #79: old hickory

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 This image and others available for sale at my RedBubble Site!

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time after time

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 This image and others available for sale at my RedBubble Site!

Time After Time
Eva Cassidy, Time After Time (Blix Street Records - 2000)

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion
Is nothing new
Flashback warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said
Then you say go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

chorus (2x):
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray

Watching through windows you're wondering
If I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time

chorus:
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time

You said go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

chorus:
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time

Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

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remembrance

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Remembrance
In a time not
So long before mine
The smoke of spirits
Bent but unbroken
Choked the sky in acrid clouds
Look, They said
There are your parents, your children
Your brothers and sisters
They said You will vanish
Wiped from memory
But memory remains
And so do You
Shalom, my friends,
My brothers, my sisters
Shalom.

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About this piece: Today (April 20th) was on my calendar as Holocaust Remembrance Day in Israel. My bad. Remembrance Day was actually last week. Today is Israel's Independence Day. So I'm remembering late it seems. Which is okay, I think. My feeling is that this remembrance ought to be worldwide. Today, tomorrow, and all tomorrows to come.

About the photo: Public domain image. Not mine.

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wordless wednesday #175: halve a heart

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one single impression: mask

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Mask
I will wear the mask
The brave face of indifference
What choice do I have?

I will wear the mask
The brave face of apathy
You leave me no alternative

I will wear the mask
The brave face of the liar
This is the only path remaining

I will wear the mask
I will put on the brave face
I will pretend and even lie

I might convince my mind
I might convince the world
I might even convince you

But I will never convince my heart
That I do not love you
I am not that good a liar

One Single Impression

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About this piece: Sometimes a mask is just a mask.

In the process of working on this piece several songs came to mind (if you know me, that won’t surprise you). The top two were "Eleanor Rigby" by the Beatles ("Wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door”) and Billy Joel’s "The Stranger" ("Did you ever let your lover see the stranger in yourself?"). Why wear the mask? What do you suppose would happen if the masks came off?

Yes, please, let’s by all means have that conversation. I'm willing.
Call me.
About the photo: Yes, it's me.

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Dear You (Message in a Bottle)

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Dear You,

Maybe this is a monumentally bad idea. But as I see it, I have nothing left to lose by saying it, and one helluva lot to lose by not saying it. Trouble is, I don't have a lot of options about how to say it. So here goes nothin'. The Hail Mary pass. Maybe you'll read it, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll hate me for it. Maybe you'll be appalled or insulted by such a public display. But... maybe you won't. And maybe, just maybe, if my luck is very, very good and I don't screw up the words too badly we can have the conversation I've so badly wanted to have with you -- with you.

I'm so weary of that word "maybe". It's defined my existence for a long time now. See I never guessed that I had so much trouble saying what I meant to say, the thoughts, the feelings that I wanted to express so much. And the frustration of knowing that -- now when it's possibly probably too late -- is enough to bring me to tears. Especially today when I hear you say that nobody's ever told you the very thing I have tried so.damned.hard to tell you for so.damned.long. And in the very next breath, you practically repeat my own words back to me. In substance if not verbatim.

I said it point blank once:

"I don't have some illusion of some theoretical objective 'perfection' at work here. There's no measuring device, no scale, no punchlist of criteria. I see what I see and call it perfect. Without qualification, and without apology. As is."

Do you remember? It wasn't that long ago. You, of course, deflected it by calling me "too kind" or "too sweet". Because that's what you do. No matter how many times I try to tell you that being kind doesn't make something less true.

Is there a better way to say that? Probably. Maybe. But I don't know how. Somehow you got the idea from it -- or maybe from something else, who knows? -- that I'd created some model of you to feed my own ego. It isn't ego that makes me write this, or any of the poetry or letters or any of the rest. I write what I think, what I feel, because I know these things with absolute certitude. But they're the only things I know with any certitude at all. I write it from my side because I can't write it from yours.

I hope you'll hear what I'm saying -- unfiltered. Because that's how I'm trying to write it. Unfiltered, no subtext, no hidden layers. Because it's important to say it out loud. Even not knowing if you'll ever read it, or if you do read it if you'll take from it what I'm trying to put into it. Even not knowing if it matters to you that I said it. Sometimes you have to have the conversation -- even if you have to have it by yourself. And all the pretty words in the dictionary don't amount to shit if they don't say what you mean. So here's what I mean.

I love you.

Sorry. I know the "L" word makes you squirm. But no other word fits. As simple and as complicated and messy as that gets, when you distill it to the essentials, that's all I really have to say. I can wrap it in subtleties and talk around the "L" word but it still means the same fundamental thing. I love you. My mistake, my fatal mistake, was that I tried to give you that love. What I realize now is that I can't give it to you. I can only offer it. It's up to you to accept it. I knew that once. I just forgot, apparently.

I love you. That doesn't change. Because you are you, and that doesn't change. And that's good enough. You're good enough. I tried to tell you that, I guess I didn't do it right. So there it is in plain English.

The door is open and there's coffee on. That's all I can do. I can't walk in and sit down for you. But I'll leave the light on for you.

Because I love you.
I just do.

Sincerely,
Me

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black and white on blue on black

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Blue On Black
Kenny Wayne Shepherd, Trouble Is (Revolution Records - 1997)

Night, falls, and I'm alone
Skin, yeah, chilled me to the bone
You, turned and you ran,
Oh yeah
Oh slipped, right from my hand

Hey... blue on black, tears on a river
Push on a shove, it don't mean much
Joker on jack, match on a fire
Cold on ice, a dead man's touch
Whisper on a scream, doesn't change a thing
Don't bring you back
Blue on black
Oh yeah, blue on black

Blind, oh, now I see
Truth, lies, and in between
Wrong, cant be undone
Oh slipped, from the tip of
Your tongue

[Instrumental solo]

Hey... blue on black, tears on a river
Push on a shove, it don't mean much
Joker on jack, match on a fire

Cold on ice, a dead man's touch
Whisper on a scream, doesn't change a thing
Don't bring you back
Blue on black
Oh yeah, blue on black

Blue on black, tears on a river
Push on a shove, it don't mean much
Joker on jack, match on a fire
Cold on ice, a dead man's touch
Whisper on a scream, doesn't change a thing
Don't bring you back
Blue on black
Oh yeah, blue on black

Hey... blue on black, tears on a river
Push on a shove, it don't mean much
Joker on jack, match on a fire
Cold on ice, a dead man's touch
Whisper on a scream, doesn't change a thing
Don't bring you back
Blue on black
Oh yeah, blue on black.

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Dear Sarah Palin:

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RE: Your assertion that "the people shouldn't be working for the government, the government should be working for the people" in a loud and obnoxious voice on national television.

I am a state government employee. Ergo, I work for the government. I also got a Federal Income Tax refund this year for the first time in 12 years. It seems the government is working for me just fine. Your Marxist attempts at inciting the Industrial Proletariat are laughable.
That is all.

Rebuttal (Courtesy of http://palinspeak.com/)

Taxpayers cannot be looked to as the bailout, as the solution to the problems on Wall Street. So, what I've done up there is a mess though, the economy is a 2,000 acre plot of land and it's about putting government back on the world.
Sure.
They're our next door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska. That's why we have got to keep an eye on Russia and Putin and some of these companies, that abuse there has got to look at a crisis time like this. Reform that actually happens is tough and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, growing the surplus so that we have got to put the pressure on Iran and we have seen change there. The interesting thing in the people.
It's gotta be good guys. I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to ya. It's just too impacting, we had hours to talk about, America being the stinking corpse, should be wiped off the face of the message that Americans are recognizing this also.
It is, and the answers.

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55 (x2) flash fiction friday #72: conversation for one - ii/iii

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listen
Be with me.
But not with me.
Not where we breathe the same air.
Not where you can touch me.

Listen to me.
When I say nothing.
Or speak in riddles.
I know you understand.

Talk to me.
But don't say too much.
Don't say anything too meaningful.

And never ever say, "I love you".

 Graciously hosted by G-Man.

unperson
I was real once.
Once.
I had eyes, ears, arms...

And a heart.

I wasn't an RSS feed to turn off when I ceased to be amusing.

Real people, they're messy. They eat, sweat, shit, bleed...

And feel.

You liked the real person. Once. Or so it seemed.

Or maybe not. I don't know anymore.

 Graciously hosted by G-Man.

Alternate Endings
If you've been hanging around for the last few weeks, you've heard about the "Alternate Endings Party Game" I started a while back. Originally it was just a single 55 that I thought could be spun a bunch of different ways and I invited people to fill in the blanks. Then someone carpe-ed some diem and wrote one for a different story, so the game expanded. You can find both of the original stories and the alternate endings at the link above. If you feel the muse, have a go at either of the ones already listed there or any others you might feel like. As people add to them, I'll expand that section to include any that people pick up. No rules, just write (to paraphrase the Outback Steakhouse commercials).

Titanium has already jumped on the first of these two with an amusing look ta unconditional love.

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sky watch friday #78: dawn patrol

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it's hard out there for a baby

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stranger than fiction: extreme origami

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wordless wednesday #174: love in the shadows

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winter memories ii

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one single impression: vicarious

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Last One Chosen

I watch, my attention arrested
By the clan of neighborhood kids
Five of them charging around the corner
Followed by the dutiful beagle mix
Intent on keeping watch

They clamber into the cab
Of the neighbor's sturdy F-150
But the last one finds no room
Perhaps he was too slow
Perhaps the rest had a head start

I watch from my perch on top of the hill
As he shuffles his feet outside
Picks up a stick and throws it
But even the dog made it in
Before the doors closed.

He pretends it doesn't matter
The sun is warm, the sky is clear
Who needs to pretend anyway?
The truck is going nowhere
After all

Minutes pass as I watch myself
Standing outside, looking in
I climb into the bed of the truck
And kneel on the toolbox
Behind the rear window

As if in prayer
To some capricious god
Who clearly has Better Things In Mind for me
Than driving some imaginary highway
With the ones I would call friends

The dog understands (they do that)
Makes enough of a pest of himself
That he's handed awkwardly
Through the driver's side window
To the lone figure in the back

I watch, my attention arrested
By my own black faithful friend
His attention riveted
To his brown-and-white counterpart
A shared understanding

My eyes trace the line
Between my dog and his
And I think
Out loud
"You got the better deal, kid."

One Single Impression

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About this piece: It isn't a story about dogs (as thought by someone who read it back when I wrote it). It's a story of the disenfranchised, the misfits. The "Vicarious" element is in the person shift in the 5th and 6th stanzas.

A true story. All the way around.

About the photo: If you haven't met Tonka yet, now you have. World, meet my best friend Tonka. Tonka, world.

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note to self

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Note To Self

Now do you understand?
It was always
A fool's errand.
You never listen to me.
Never learn.
Expose your heart
And watch it shatter.
Speak its words unfiltered
And behold as they become
The wretched pillars of
Some twisted New Religion
And curdle
Into something sick and depraved.
Now do you understand?
Keep your soul to yourself.
It will never be enough.
Lock it up.
You only have one.

Are you finished now?
True, of souls I have but one
But I will not leave it
Languishing in some dungeon
Of your making
Never seeing the light of day
I will speak its words
Unshackled by your chains
I will not seek
My future
In your past
You are transient
I endure
And if I have embarked
On a fool's errand
I am not too proud
To be called a fool
Yes. I understand now.

About this piece: I almost didn't publish this because it sounds angry (oh dear!). Make what you want of it. That's the beauty of poetry. You can do that.

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55 flash fiction friday #71: conversation for one - i

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"The ones we love hurt us worst. Only they get close enough to do real damage. I know this -- it's why I don't fall in love.

Until I do.

Then it turns to shit. And I fix that hole in the wall because dammit, nobody's getting in again.

Until they do.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat."

 Graciously hosted by G-Man.

For those of you who were around last week, a few people decided to play along with my Alternate Endings Party Game. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, the setup is here, and there's really no time limit. If you feel the muse strike, have a go at it and I'll post the link on the page where lives the setup. The offerings so far are choice and varied. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have.
The Rest Of The Story According To:
Titanium (Taking no prisoners!)
Sandy Carlson (A series of unfortunate events.)
PattiKen (The Stuff of Nightmares!)

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sky watch friday #77: don't blink

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capitulation

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Read the final page
It will tell you everything
You ever need know

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You know more ways to
Hide than I know ways to seek
You can come out now

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objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are

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wordless wednesday #173: epitaph?

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