Friday, November 14, 2008

55 Flash Fiction Friday #20: Chapter 13 - Paheli Baar


Some stories are the same in any language.
The first time she was terrified, confused. It was almost dreamlike, no, nightmarish. The crushing weight of him, the stabbing pain. Her sleep drenched mind failed to fully register the events as they happened, seemingly in slow motion. The others around her slept on. Or perhaps they only feigned sleep, too frightened themselves to intervene.

Notes:
paheli baar: [the] first time
Previously
Chapter 1: Vandhe Mataram!
Chapter 2: Aag Lagi
Chapter 3: Aur Nahin
Chapter 4: Bannaa
Chapter 5: Inteqam
Chapter 6: Azaadi
Chapter 7: Vah Khallas Hai
Chapter 8: Ek Nai Shuruat
Chapter 9: Do Sal Paheli
Chapter 10: Yaadein (I)
Chapter 11: Yaadein (II)
Chapter 12: Yaadein (III)
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M6Friday: 55FlashFiction
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16 comments:

S said...

Squirms uncomfortably.

:|

This novel is getting intense.

G-Man said...

Is this about sex?
Thanks for visiting Mojo..
Thank You for faithfully contributing quality work every week.
Have a Great Week-End...G

Mona said...

Jeez! that is what he did? The scoundrel!

It is possible. It happens in India...

Kaknu said...

:( This isn't fun anymore. I'm taking my crayons and going home.

Not that I could guarantee having the courage to stop someone, but I hate hearing about people that just stand by and do nothing.

ciara said...

wow, this is so vivid...i hate to hear stories about this, but even more how no one did anything. i'm up w a much less disturbing 55.

Liquid said...

Great 55 Mojo!

Although it conjure.d chills behind my closed eyelids.....I enjoy your style of verse.

Have a beautiful day!

Mojo said...

It's not about sex. It never is. This is about putting the "vile" in "violence".

Interesting that only a few short weeks ago this same bunch was calling for Vinay's blood. But you had to know my heroine would have to be pushed to the very limit to finally take such an extreme step.

Careful what you wish for!

Maggie, Dammit said...

I'm loving where this is going.

Kaknu said...

You're right Mojo. Apparently we feel that she was justified merely for the fact that Vinay is male. :P

Kimmie said...

I have never really known how I felt about this story. I must say, today I felt extreme emotional pain come over me. :(

S said...

Hey Moho, its just hard for chix to read this stuff is all. Keep on doing what youre doing.

I am not offended. I was just the first one to know! :P


Happy Friday

S said...

Moho :P

Mojo :)

Strumpet said...

Wow, between The Whale's and yours today, my whole body is starting to feel a little not well.

Not to mention the state of my emotions.

A very powerful 55 you have here, Mr. Mojo.

I still have to go back and read what led up to this as I only just stumbled upon your blog a couple of weeks ago now.

But, now I'm a little scared.

=P

What's sad about this is that this stuff happens all the time, every day, all day long, everywhere around the world, to every kind of person, no matter who you are, it could happen to you.

I'm a single girl in a big city and I've taken self-defense classes and I'm not stupid with regards to my social activities, but you never ever know. However, you can't live your life in fear.

When I read these sorts of things I get that tingle of fear.

It's way cool how you've captured such intensity and brought out emotions in your readers.

It's the sign of a good writer.

Excellent work.

Strumpet said...

Wow, between The Whale's and yours today, my whole body is starting to feel a little not well.

Not to mention the state of my emotions.

A very powerful 55 you have here, Mr. Mojo.

I still have to go back and read what led up to this as I only just stumbled upon your blog a couple of weeks ago now.

But, now I'm a little scared.

=P

What's sad about this is that this stuff happens all the time, every day, all day long, everywhere around the world, to every kind of person, no matter who you are, it could happen to you.

I'm a single girl in a big city and I've taken self-defense classes and I'm not stupid with regards to my social activities, but you never ever know. However, you can't live your life in fear.

When I read these sorts of things I get that tingle of fear.

It's way cool how you've captured such intensity and brought out emotions in your readers.

It's the sign of a good writer.

Excellent work.

Akelamalu said...

That's very powerful and disturbing imagery!

smarmoofus said...

Yes, as the others have said... powerful and heavy and dark and disturbing. But then I read g-man's comment and I managed a chuckle, and it lightened my mood enough to also comment. You've said a lot in your 55 words, Mojo. Well done.

-smarmoofus